Tag: aging (Page 1 of 2)

Happy birthday!

Birthdays.  Lots of fun (?) as we get older.  Even our friends aren’t too thrilled when our day comes around.

Everyone’s busy.  Everyone’s broke.  Everyone’s scared to consider they also are aging.

But we celebrate them.  Or at least, we stop and consider them. Even though as we age, the age we are “sounds” different than it did when we were much younger.  Remember how old you thought your 45-year-old art teacher was?  How over-the-hill the bus driver was?  How you’d never look as “bad” as that gray-haired woman who lived down the street with all the cats?

50?  Yeech, that’s when you stop staying up late at night.  60?  You probably won’t leave the house then.  70?  Teeth in a jar.

And then we turn these ages…and realize how untrue all that is, how we had no clue when we were young that we were infants compared to what life is all about.  The experiences we have, the wisdom we gain, the pain we live through…it all makes us who we are right now. 

And that includes those wrinkles.  And extra inches around our waistline.  Nature is going to do what nature is going to do.  We don’t have to completely give up, we can get off the couch and go to the gym, walk 10,000+ steps a day or do some chair aerobics, and have an apple instead of a snack cake.

And we can celebrate right now, in this moment, being alive and not being a kid anymore. How great it is to no longer worry what everyone thinks about us all the time.  Not letting fear rule every decision we make.  Not putting important things off because we think we’ll live forever. Not thinking every disappointment or failure has doomed us for eternity.

In fact, it’s those disappointments and failures that give the cake of life its flavor.  You might not taste it at first, you might have to wait quite a while, but you’ll eventually detect the spices that make up your unique recipe:  the heartbreaks, getting fired, making a bad choice or two or three, poor judgment, bad haircuts and more.

And as baby boomers, we get to celebrate what all we’ve seen and it’s all part of us as well…landing on the moon, the battle for civil rights, protecting the environment…it’s not too late to stand up and make our voices heard when we see things going in the wrong direction.  We’re still here.  We’re smarter and more patient now (in most cases) and we have a lot to contribute.

So light those candles.  And make that wish come true.  Every day could be the birth of something wonderful—if we help make it so.

“Our wrinkles are our medals of the passage of life. They are what we have been through and who we want to be.” 

  Lauren Hutton 

Walking each other home.

Life is so fragile.  Every moment is precious.  All around, there are people whose life has frozen in time…bad news about a loved one.  Eviction.  Divorce.  A frightening diagnosis.  Loss of a child.  Maybe a business failure or money crisis that feels like there is no way out.

As baby boomers and beyond, we’ve had our share.  And while it would be nice to think now we get to enjoy life, the joke is somewhat on us, or so I’ve found.  Life does not easier.  In fact, with the challenges of aging, it might get a lot harder.  And more painful.  So where’s the hope?

I think it’s in the fact that we are wiser, we are survivors, and we understand what is important, and what is not.

And I would hope,  we cherish what—and who—is most important to us.  Because as someone very wise said, “We’re all just walking each other home.”

I like that.  I like the idea that when we’re at our most desperate, spirits appear around us who can lead us forward.  Maybe we can see them—a dear friend, a spouse, even a beloved pet.  And maybe they are invisible…but I believe they are just as real as ever.  They’ve loved us, and they’re still with us.

It’s so hard to get frightening news.  And it’s also so hard to know someone you love just got that news.  But now’s when you channel your fear into something helpful.  Like listening, really listening when they need it most.  Giving them the opportunity to be sad, be angry, be profane or anything else they choose.

A friend who was over 80 died a few weeks ago.  She was truly an amazing person her whole life, overcoming the suicide of a brother and a daughter.  She was intelligent and talented.  A published author and accomplished musician.  She embraced the challenges of learning technology that was barely a dream when she was born. She never stopped growing.  And she didn’t let her pain stop her.

What I liked most about her was she was fully human. I think we forget how to do that sometimes…to just be.  To know that who we are is enough. We can learn and refine and strengthen and enhance, but in the end, who we are is who we are.  And it wasn’t a mistake (unless we use our skills to hurt others).

And maybe most importantly, we can use our humanity to be there for someone else in crisis…someone who shouldn’t have to be any braver, any calmer, or any nicer than they feel.  Because we love them.  And because they are us.  And because they might be needing us to let things get messy.  Listen to Fred Rogers (Mr. Rogers):

“Confronting our feelings and giving them appropriate expression always takes strength, not weakness…. It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it.”

We’re all aging. We’re all going to die (it always amazes me how many people really think they won’t.) We all have limited time.  So maybe now’s the time to turn back to the basics…the skills you first learned.

Hold hands when you cross the street.

Be nice to your neighbor.

Brush your teeth.

Take naps.

Be kind to animals.

Love from the heart. We’re all on a journey…a journey that I believe leads somewhere glorious…and it’s good to remember that how we help one another along the way really does matter.

 

“It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life.”

Mr. Rogers

 

Older and better.

IMG_4797Have you  heard the term “conscious eldering”? It’s all about the choices we make as we grow older…will we stay engaged, curious, and positive about life, or will we become hard, withdrawn, and resentful over our disappointments?

I’m sure you’ve known people who fall into both categories. Over the years I’ve interviewed hundreds of people over 50, some close to 100, and it truly seems it’s a matter of making up your mind to be one or the other. Barring extreme physical limitations, many people I’ve known who are on the negative side have simply decided it’s easier to be angry.

The relationship that didn’t work out.

The boss that never saw our brilliance.

The ungrateful child who grew up uninterested in being around us.

The fact that we were supposed to end up one way, and we didn’t.

Then there are the people I’ve talked to who bubble over with joy and vitality. They laugh easily and accept what life has thrown at them. And it’s not always been an easy road…some have lost a spouse, child, way of life, and even their health. They’ve had to move and give up prized possessions. Yet through it all, their attitude is one of acceptance and peace.

Maybe it’s a matter of being “conscious” about what we do when we come to those crossroads…is this tragedy going to break us, or bring us closer to our spiritual core? Will it humble us, or infuriate us?

I think having a spiritual foundation in whatever form you choose is a huge help. I also think that truly learning to let go, to be willing to heal old wounds and forget long-held grudges, goes a long way for easing our hearts and our minds. Just think how much energy we wasted being miffed about the past.

Life’s a zigzag, not a straight line. At least it is for me. Being over 50 makes a lot of things clearer, yet it’s still a mixed bag sometimes. But I do look around at other boomers and those in their 70s, 80s, and up and it seems that it’s never too late to change your attitude.

It may not be easy, but it’s not too late.

A doorMaybe you were a bit of a miser years ago, yet now you realize how hard the waitress is working and you open up your wallet a bit more with a better tip.

Maybe showing affection has always been a little hard for you because your parents never did it well, but now that you have grandchildren or great-grandchildren, you want to hug and hold hands and let them know how much you care.

And maybe all the things that always vexed you…waiting in line, bad drivers, people who are always late…now simply can be better tolerated by taking a breath, letting it go and realizing it’s not a personal conspiracy against you.

I don’t know about you, but I want to age with curiosity. Joy. Creativity. I want to feed my intellect and my spirit as much as I can, and not get my blood pressure up by rehashing old wounds or wondering why things aren’t like they used to be.

I genuinely believe this can be the absolute best time of our lives. Because even when the seemingly overwhelming challenges come at us, we’re more prepared than ever to use our strengths, ask for help, and turn it over to a higher power.

So why not now…it’s been a long hot summer. What better time to take a new path? Dance a new step? Rock a new wrinkle!!

 “A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”

            John Barrymore

Tired…or exhausted?

It’s so easy sometimes to just give in to being tired.

Whatever it is you, Mr. or Ms. Baby Boomer, are facing that requires a burst of energy…you’ve done it so many times before. You’ve walked that path. Fought that battle. Thought it through a hundred times.

And you’re just weary.

It can even be a good thing. Like a 4-mile walk that will make you feel great. Or a new book club meeting that might introduce you to some new friends. Or finally tackling the garage and actually discovering what’s hiding behind the golf clubs.

It would be so much easier to just sit on the couch with the remote!

How did we get here so quickly? It wasn’t that long ago we were enjoying jam-packed weekends and evenings of fun without a thought to what time the Boston Legal reruns come on.

Younger friends give us a quizzical look when we say things like, “It starts kind of late, doesn’t it?” Or “You know, I can do one or the other, but probably not both.”

Or my favorite, “You’re younger than me, you’ll understand one day.”

And they will.

DSC02021But still…sometimes I’m not sure how I feel about this. I do think it’s okay to pace ourselves now that we are boomers and beyond. We have spent a great deal of energy just dealing with life, and it’s okay to cut back. I’m seeing friends who perhaps have pushed themselves too hard for too long and their health is sending them a serious message:

Take it easy. Take a breath. There’s no race. There’s no hurry.

The real challenge is probably to know where the line is, between stopping to smell the roses (haven’t we earned that?) and becoming permanently affixed to the furniture.

Some days are better than others. Some seasons are more motivating than others. Being selective with our energy and our attention is a smart thing…something we older types know all about. And there’s physical reasons at play as well.

Maybe we’re not sleeping well. Taking medications that make us drowsy. Dealing with chronic pain or mobility issues. Even being bored can make you feel tired.

The National Institute on Aging offers these suggestions if you feel fatigue is getting the best of you:

  • Respect your body clock. If you are better in the a.m., then don’t tackle a mentally draining task in the late afternoon.
  • Eat fish. Not only is this good for your heart, but omega-3 oils can boost alertness.
  • Get your rest. Either go to bed earlier, or take a quick nap in the afternoon.
  • Drink lots of water. Dehydration is bad for lots of ways, but also can decrease your ability to concentrate.
  • Exercise regularly. You might see improvements in appetite, energy, and outlook.
  • Don’t smoke. It’s a drain on your energy.

file000143069688All that said, you might just need a period of downtime…especially following a stressful career, death of a loved one, extended traveling, or any other challenge that required all you had to give.

So be gentle to yourself.

But don’t sit on that couch too long.

 

“For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.”

                                    Lily Tomlin.

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