Author: Laura (Page 15 of 55)

How To Not Be Invisible.

02/18/2019 / Laura

Do you ever feel invisible? Like no one is hearing anything you say, or even noticing you’re there?

I confess I do at times, especially since as a boomer I’m older than so many of the people I come into contact with every day.

I see the part-time salesperson in the clothing store for hopelessly thin and young women sigh a bit when she has to wait on me. I order food at a deli counter and I know the person ringing it up is looking right through me. It’s no my order often gets lost. Am I truly fading away, or does the under-50 world just not want to acknowledge I’m there?

50+ men complain that women not that much younger than them call them “sir”. Few women over a certain age like to hear the word “ma’am” from a handsome waiter who already seems to be humoring them.

Then there’s the type—as a friend of mine says, we’ve all met this person—he/she is much younger, inexperienced in his/her field, yet already magically seems to know so much more than we do and sees no reason to consider that our opinions and guidance are based on actual experience.

And while a person can be proficient at something at only 25, I prefer to rely on the experience of someone aged 55, 65, 75, 85…etc. There’s an internal transformation that takes place with time. It is impossible to explain but it is very real. You just know more about some things, like how to stay cool under pressure and what really matters (and it’s not how many friends you have on Facebook).

(And at the same time, I very much like to be around a younger person who is so savvy about technology, metrics, social media, and more—I enjoy learning what they know, or at least benefitting from their knowledge—as long as they’ll show me the same respect.)

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It’s not always an age difference that brings up these feelings. If you’ve recently made a big change in your life, it’s likely you’re feeling more invisible these days. Suddenly there are new co-workers, new neighbors, new friends…or maybe it’s more a case of having removed yourself from the workforce, a marriage, a destructive situation. It can feel like there’s no barrier between you and the indifference of the world. You’re a baby boomer, putting yourself out there anew all over again. It’s a bit daunting.

I think sometimes we have to sit back and take a breath, and remind ourselves who we are.

We’re not over the hill.

We’re not past our prime.

We’re intelligent. Generous. Helpful. Involved. Curious. Worth knowing and worth listening to…whether it’s our opinions or our advice.

Many of us over 50 are just beginning to hit our most productive strides. Some people will see that and acknowledge it. Some won’t—but does that truly matter?

If there’s a person who never seems to see or hear me, then maybe I need to be around others more. If it’s a room filled with 20-somethings, I just need to remember that when I was that age, I probably couldn’t think clearly enough to take in anyone else’s wisdom anyway. If my client thinks I am too old to do something creative, then I need to knock his/her socks off with my ideas.

And sometimes, it’s a simple matter of standing tall, speaking firmly, making good eye contact and being confident. Hey, we’re baby boomers! We are NOT invisible!

“I am not a has-been. I am a will-be.”

Lauren Bacall

A Valentine for Us.

02/14/2019 / Laura

It’s that day again. The one that usually makes us feel left out. Even if we’re in a happy relationship. Even if we have a cute girlfriend or handsome boyfriend and we’re going out for a nice dinner and later we’ll have truffles and hold hands.

Does anyone really do this? If so, congratulations. I don’t think we’ve met.

For most, Valentine’s is a non-starter. We watch the jewelry commercials and compare ourselves, and mostly come out short. We see a chick flick and watch couples end up together and everybody looks like Diane Lane and Viggo Mortensen. And then we come home and our dogs greet us with real kisses.

It’s all okay. Each of us finds our way to happiness, and great if that means you have a wonderful partner. Single people aren’t jealous or sad, single people are just single people. Boomers are often in this category, whether through divorce, death of a spouse or simply never finding the right person.

It’s tempting to feel like the odd person out when all around you the world seems to worship the movie version of love, as well as youth. Even science loves to point out how when you fall in love, your body releases the feel-good hormones of dopamine and oxytocin.

But here’s the good news: So does exercise.

So does holding someone’s hand or hugging someone.

So does volunteering or doing any good deed for someone.

So does petting your cat or dog.

Joyful moments are good for us, even when we’re not jumping into a reflecting pool and “sharing the fantasy” as Chanel used to urge.

And boomers often have learned a valuable lesson: you can be with the most spectacular person in the world and still be lonely. Just as you can be the only human for 500 miles and feel perfectly connected to the universe.

Strange, isn’t it?

Like Woody Allen says in Annie Hall when asked why we keep going through romantic struggles, “We need the eggs.” But then, sometimes it might be better to be sure we love ourselves as well. Sometimes really taking care of who we are, and honoring our quirks, our extra pounds, our receding hairlines and our wrinkles is more of a real romance.

Love really is all around us. It’s in how beautiful the stars look at night. How soft the fur is on a kitten. How the view from a mountain trail fills us with awe. The giggle of a baby. The peace of mind knowing we are a precious, unique light in the universe and we will never stop shining.

So maybe we can all celebrate Valentine’s, or at least not let it make us feel less than. So go ahead, have a heart. (Make mine dark chocolate).

The past is behind us, love is in front and all around us.
Terri Guillemets

Being present for the miracles.

01/28/2019 / Laura

A few days ago, a beautiful sight appeared right outside my window. An unexpected flock of cedar waxwings landed around the small pond in my yard and began splashing about, hopping on the rocks and clearly reveling in their discovery. I couldn’t believe my eyes, as I had not seen a cedar waxwing in a very long time.

In fact, that last time, was a few weeks after I had scattered the ashes of a beloved pet in a lovely creek in Colorado. I had returned to the spot, taking a walk, and I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes, and when I opened them, in the bushes next to me were several waxwings. They took my breath away then just as they did a few days ago at my home.

Cedar waxwings are like the Jaguar (automobile) of birds…elegant, beautiful, and somehow above the fray. They wear a mask reminiscent of Zorro, and sport a bright yellow patch on their tail. Groups of cedar waxwings are called a “museum” of waxwings or an “ear-full” of waxwings. How cool is that? Seeing these birds was a pure moment of grace, at least as I saw it. For a moment, I wondered if my late dog, now an Australian Shepherd with angel wings, was visiting me again.

Such moments are rare, but they do happen to us. The trick is to actually realize they are happening. To be still enough to see the eagle in the sky. Or the amazing red sunset. To look up from the GPS or computer tablet and notice how the light plays off the mountains.

Life is delicate. It is fragile. And it can be stunningly beautiful.

That’s good to remember when we are surrounded by so much arguing, so much hot air and such dysfunction. It’s hard not to get sucked into the clamor. But if we are not very careful, the clamor will sink in our bones and steal our peace. It will shove aside our childlike wonder that notices the butterfly land on our knee and instead, divert our attention to getting even, getting the last word, or getting revenge.

No wonder so many people don’t see the butterfly. Or the waxwing. Or the red clouds.

Don’t be one of those people.

Resist.

The universe is waiting to wow you. Don’t miss it.

“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait. Do not even wait, be quite still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” Franz Kafka

“Enough. These few words are enough. If not these words, this breath. If not this breath, this sitting here. This opening to the life we have refused again and again until now. Until now.” David Whyte

“I never saw a discontented tree.” John Muir

Where did this stomach come from?

01/22/2019 / Laura

That dreaded dressing room mirror. (Cue the horror music.)

You exercise. You eat right (mostly). You take the stairs. You resist the urge to snatch chocolate bars from unsuspecting children. You think healthy thoughts.

Then you get over 60.

And you look down at your stomach.

Where did that come from?

You think, it’s spring and I could use some new blue jeans. Or a new suit. Or even (gasp) shorts.

Then you go into the dressing room.

With those funhouse mirrors that give you the bad news from every angle. And lighting that probably was taken from gestapo questioning cells.

You catch a glimpse of yourself.

You go to the gym for your fitness assessment.

When did this happen?

You’re feeling pretty good because after all, you’ve been working out regularly.

You’ve been behaving.

You are in for a big surprise.

How can this be my body?

It’s not just women. Men have these moments of horror as well. Maybe more about their hairline. Or maybe not. But we all know the pain.

It can feel like forces are trying to lull you into giving in. Go ahead, say the sirens on the rocks, have that second piece of cake. Open that bag of cheese crackers. What difference does it make, anyway? You deserve it….

The winds are blowing. You’re on the edge of that precipice. Even if you hang on, if you climb higher, you will have to work very hard to feel good. But the reward will be a longer, healthier life. More energy. Less worrying about everything.

But if you go ahead and jump, you’ll land in a sea of potato chips, cheese dip and pie… a hammock made of macaroni and cheese that sways back and forth over a sea of indulgence. You might be more peaceful for a few moments. But you won’t be more healthy.

So the question is: where do we draw the line? At what point do we acknowledge that age, and genetics, do play a major role in our body shape and size? What is the difference between not eating an entire bowl of popcorn versus being okay with big arms because that’s what Mama had?

Hear what AARP.org has to say…

“There are two types of fat: the subcutaneous, or “pinchable,” kind that collects just under the skin—and, unless you’re obese, poses no health threat—and visceral fat, which develops deep inside the abdomen. “Visceral fat appears to be metabolically more active than fat that settles elsewhere,” says Pamela Peeke, M.D., an assistant clinical professor of medicine at the University of Maryland. This visceral fat—belly fat, in plain English—interferes with liver function. In particular, it hampers the processing of cholesterol and insulin—and may also compromise the function of other tissues and systems. A study conducted at the VU University Medical Center in Amsterdam found links between belly fat and capillary inflammation (a contributor to heart disease) and between belly fat and insulin resistance (a precursor to diabetes).

“Unfortunately the flow of fat from our arms, legs, and hips to our stomachs is a natural part of aging. “Up until about age 40, estrogen in women and testosterone in men controls fat allocation, keeping it away from the abdomen,” Peeke says. “Once these hormones decline, it becomes easier for excessive calories to be stored deep inside the belly.”

So trying to control fat is pretty impossible….but….how you live can affect how much you accumulate. So here are some tips from various sources:

• Sressed? Don’t reach for the chip bag. Chances are, you’ll eat the whole thing before you even realize it. Get up, walk around, stretch. Get some air. Drink some water. Take your mind somewhere else (besides the pantry).

• Get stronger. Again from AARP.org: “Once you hit 30, your lean muscle mass decreases by about a pound a year. If you’re inactive, that lost muscle mass often is replaced by fat. So if you’re not already lifting weights two to three days a week, start now. Need proof that weight training will reduce your waistline? Two studies that analyzed the effects of strength training in older adults between ages 50 and 70 showed a 10 to 15 percent decrease in belly fat despite no weight loss.”

That’s pretty impressive. And the secret? Weight training can be fun. You really do feel more powerful afterwards!

• Eat less. Pretty obvious, right? But don’t go to extremes. Starving yourself isn’t a long-term solution. Think moderation. One helping. Enough protein. Write down what you eat. And give yourself a “day off” when you can have a special treat. If you do have a really bad of cheating, just decide you’ll do better tomorrow, and keep moving forward.

Getting enough sleep is also important. Cutting out snacks during the day and not eating after dinner are good ideas. And for sure, just moving more…whether getting up and walking, or grabbing some hand weights and sitting in the chair…anything to get your ticker moving.

But through it all, remember to be kind to yourself. You are probably doing the best you can, it’s just that age does have a sense of humor about some things. So don’t look at it like a war. Think of it as a new romance with your health. A way to add years to your life. Wrinkles, gray hair and a few extra pounds can be badges of honor, as long as they don’t hold you back.

So let’s keep moving.

Let’s do it!!

It isn’t what you do once in a while that’s a problem; it’s what you do all the time.
Jack LaLanne
“I may be a senior, but so what? I’m still hot!”
Betty White