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What You Hear When You Take a Risk.

04/16/2018 / Laura

You’re over 50. Or well past 60. Maybe 70 is in the rearview mirror. You’ve decided to make a change. A big one. Take the new job. Retire. Move to the brand new address across the country or across the world. Marry someone who doesn’t quite fit your family’s heirloom locket.

Paint your hair (what’s left) purple.

Got your earplugs ready? Because you are really going to hear it!

You’re too old.
You’re too young.
You don’t know anybody there.
You already have a good job.
Stuff like that is for kids.
You can’t do this by yourself.
What is something goes wrong?
Why would you want to start over?
Don’t you like it here?
Why would you want to live there?
How can you leave/ignore/betray your family?
How you leave/ignore/betray your friends?
Don’t you realize people your age don’t do things like this?
What will people think?
Aren’t you scared?

They mean well. They just can’t figure out why you would do anything that resembles taking a risk. Especially at your age. (Luckily, not everyone will say these things to you. Those who matter most will understand, even if they won’t admit it.)

The ironic part is 50+ is when you are best equipped to make a big change.

At least that was true for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was too busy trying to gain work experience and feel comfortable with everything life threw at me. I thought about making big changes a few times, but let fear and uncertainty stifle any real action. It wasn’t until I was able to cast off all the baggage of other people’s expectations that I could clearly hear what my soul was telling me.

And I’m so glad I listened. Because even though every major life change brings with it moments of anxiety, doubt, loneliness (and the occasional cheese dip binge), it also brings a great deal of peace. Leaving your comfort zone can be the best way to find out what—and who—really matters to you. When you put distance between you and the way things have always been, you can turn around and view it from a different perspective. It’s like standing in a museum and staring at an oversized canvas. The tiny, insignificant details fade away, the background blurs, and what is left is the core—the passion—of the painting.

Before, you saw the faces, you heard all the noise…. Now, what is left? What images still touch your heart? Who do you genuinely miss and want to keep close forever? What truly matters in your life? I think it’s the good stuff—the stuff you have with you always, and can always return to.

You will learn a lot when you start a new adventure. Here’s what taking a big risk taught me:

How anything is possible.
How lonely it can be.
How fantastic it can be.
Which friendships are real.
Which people live in my heart.
The wonder of email and texting.
Dogs don’t like change.
Naps are holy.
Learning new things requires forgetting some old stuff.
That can be a very good thing.
No matter how good you feel about things, you’re still going to occasionally wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what the hell you are doing there.
There’s not always going to be a sign to point you in the right direction.
Go left or go right, but don’t just sit there.
You can mow grass while it is snowing.
You need sleep. Lots of it.
God is always there. He’s just quiet sometimes.

Changing your life, starting over, whatever words you use—it is not without its challenges.. But I believe the universe is standing by waiting to kick in a lot of power once you commit. The road may not be easy. But look where it can lead.

“Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” Goethe

Love over hate.

04/02/2018 / Laura

Now is the season of new beginnings. New green shoots pushing up through the mud and remnants of a long winter that for some, still rages on. New hours of sunshine that add a touch of promise to each afternoon (who doesn’t hate driving home from work or anywhere in the dark at 5:30.) New clothes perhaps, with brighter colors and fun patterns.

And depending upon your spiritual beliefs, new beginnings in other ways.

A fresh start. A new day.

And how wonderful that this new beginning comes every year. It can be about so many things….maybe it’s not having that tempting late afternoon snack that’s not helping your cholesterol. Or putting in 5 extra minutes on the treadmill. Or deciding to make a real effort to keep the inside of your car clean (good luck).

In other words, we all might want to start small. Tiny strides, tiny victories that can add up.

And maybe most of all, it can be how we see the world, our neighborhood, our enemies, and ourselves.

Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest in New Mexico and founder of the Center of Action and Contemplation, has written what I think are some wonderful books worth checking out. In Immortal Diamond, he talks about seeking our true self—our soul—and letting the false self die. The false self being what we rely on in the beginning of our lives to get us through the formation of personality, career, relationships, etc…sort of like the games we have to play to get where we are. But now that we are “here”, we can fall back to what we truly are.

Our essence. Our link to the divine which has always been there.

There are many powerful passages in this book, but I especially like his advice for changing how we deal with negativism….our irritations with life. How many times I’ve been cut off in traffic and uttered language I’m not proud of, or had angry thoughts about the person next to me in the express line holding 56 items instead of 5, or any other of the countless daily situations that try my patience and usually win over my feeble attempt to be a better person. Richard Rohr has a suggestion for how to handle these moments….(from “Immortal Diamond”)….

“Next time a resentment, negativity or irritation comes into your mind…and you want to play it out or attach to it, move that thought or person literally into your heart space because such commentaries are almost entirely lodged in your head. There, surround it with silence (which is much easier to do in the heart). There, it is surrounded with blood, which will often feel warm like coals. in this place, it is almost impossible to comment, judge, create story lines, or remain antagonistic. You are in a place that does not create or feed on contraries but is the natural organ of life, embodiment, and love. Love lives and thrives in the heart space…it can make the difference between being happy and being miserable and negative.”

And who couldn’t use that? A relief valve that stops the wheel of anger right in its place, that takes the negative and wraps it in love, shuts our mouth and mind, and just sits. I sure can.

Richard Rohr calls it our “sacred heart”…where we hold things that need love and not judgment. I think the trick is to do it immediately, when the negative voice in your head starts. Turn off that valve and see the person or irritation moving to your heart.

It’s just a suggestion. But it might just be a wonderful way to mark what for many, is the season of hope…when seeds start to grow. And most happily, when those surprise crocus or tulips spring up and you don’t know how…you can’t remember planting them…but you are so glad they are there.

Maybe we can plant a few of our own right now.

Ready to Spring?

03/20/2018 / Laura

It’s spring. Finally. Never thought it would get here, did you? And it’s early this year. Which could explain why it’s still (depending upon where you live), still cold. Rainy. Snowy. Dreary. Disappointing.

But wait. Even if all the above is true, chances are there are signs of spring everywhere. You just have to look harder to find them. Like purple crocus raising their heads. Or bountiful cherry trees quietly sharing their beauty. Or daffodils bending in the breeze. And of course, lots of allergens to fill your sinus cavities with seasonal splendor.

So if it’s spring, why does it sometimes feel like nothing’s changed…like the same old, same old is still here. You aren’t feeling younger. Or more attractive. Or like you could skip down the sidewalk with a new piece of chalk for hopskotch.

So what does Spring mean, anyway….when you get older?

We over 50 tend to hunker down during winter. It’s chilly and humid and makes our bones talk to us. We are wary of icy sidewalks and quite frankly, driving at night in a snowstorm isn’t our idea of a good time. Not that it ever was, but it used to seem easier. Or were we just more willing to take a chance?

Spring used to mean a break from school. Maybe pulling out the fun clothes and sandals and getting some sun. Planting seeds in the garden. Starting a new exercise regimen or giving up fast food (at least for a few weeks) so we might fit in the summer swimsuit.

Things change. I’ll admit to just being grateful to see the seasons change. To realize that spring represents new life, a shaking-off of winter doldrums and the promise of longer days and maybe lower utility bills.

Of course if you live where it snows through May, you’re still dreaming of that…and you’re tired of hearing how it’s 75 in Miami.

Here’s what a few famous folks had to say about spring:

“In the spring, I have counted 136 kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.”

Mark Twain

“I am going to try to pay attention to the spring. I am going to look around at all the flowers and look up at the hectic trees. I am going to close my eyes and listen.”

Anne Lamott

“Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child that knows poems.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

“Spring is nature’s way of saying: ‘Let’s party!'”

Robin Williams

Spring can be a challenge in many ways, filled with mud and rain and cobwebs and long lists of what needs to be done. But it can also be a beautiful time to renew the soul.

Get some sunshine.

Breathe some fresh air.

Consider new possibilities.

Wait for a butterfly to float by.

Every season that passes becomes more precious…a treasure we hold in our hearts. Let’s enjoy this one.

“Spring is when you feel like singing even with a shoe full of slush.”

Doug Larson

Age smart: build those bones!

03/12/2018 / Laura

Okay, winter’s almost over. So are all the resolutions.

But you can still make a profound impact on your strength and health in 2018. One that might be the difference in the quality of life you want no matter your age.

I’m talking about building stronger bones and muscle mass. (Stop that eye rolling and sighing. Consider a few things and then decide.)

Them bones.

Our bones are important, and we want them as strong as they can be. Hip and spine density can have a major influence on the risk for falls. The stronger your bone, the better your balance. The better your balance, the more likely you can walk with confidence, negotiate unsteady surfaces, and even stand more comfortably in the kitchen, at a museum, or while watching your grandson play soccer.

A woman’s bone density peaks at age 35, then decreases slowly (1 to 2%) after menopause. A Tufts University study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association showed that strength training increases bone density and reduces the risk of fractures among women aged 50 to 70.

Strength training decreases the risk for osteoporosis. (And gentlemen, 20% of patients with osteoporosis are men.) Regular weight training can actually have a positive effect on this. This is major if your doctor has told you that you are losing bone density, or you are already on medication. I sure prefer a little huffing and puffing to taking pills.

Them muscles.

According to the Mayo Clinic, muscle burns 5 times more calories than fat does. Studies show that after working out with weights, you can rev up your metabolism for up to 38 hours after a workout. Great news.

But building muscle mass is about more than burning fat.

It’s about being able to lift 5 pounds of sugar, 20 pounds of potatoes, or 30 pounds of dog food. It’s about being able to get up out of a chair unassisted. Holding a grandchild. Swimming a few laps in the pool and then getting out safely. Carrying golf clubs. Hiking a trail.

That’s why weight training for everyone 50 and over (that includes 60, 70, 80, 90….) is so powerful. It builds both bone mass and muscle mass. If you’re working your muscles, you’re working your bones. And vice versa.

While there of course are variations between men and women, studies suggest that sarcopenia (age-related muscle loss) begins at age 45. Strength then decreases by approximately 15% per decade in our 60s and 70s, and about 30% after that.

To me, that’s scary.

I have no plans to become Wonder Woman, but I would like to know that I will be able to carry my groceries, pick up a toddler, or open a bag of Chili Cheese Fritos when I’m older. (We all have our priorities.)

So what do you do? And how often do you do it?

It’s up to each individual of course, but the experts say that some type of weight lifting regimen done two to three times a week can make a big difference no matter your age.

Even a 90-year-old who has never picked up a weight can build muscle mass. Remember Jack LaLanne? He never stopped working out, living to the strong age of 96.

I went to a real-live fitness expert for her thoughts. Anne is a certified ACE instructor, certified to teach seniors, certified to teach spinning, has competed in and finished triathlons and Ironmans. She also is certified to teach Body Pump.

Anne wants everyone to know that “Change is always possible; never think you are hopeless. The biggest factor truly is the quality of our lives. Will we be able to do what we want as we age? Not working muscles and bones can really affect quality of life and whether we can live at home independently.

“The great news is you are never too old to improve your muscle mass. If you’ve been inactive a long time, the key is just to start slow and pace yourself. And even if you are wheelchair-bound, it’s possible to do simple weight training and get results.”

She says what we hear so often, because it’s true. “Make it a way of life, not a two-week fix. What we want are small changes that we can live with over time…this can result in a big change.”

And for those who dread the idea of getting up early, or going to a class, or trying something new?

“Even when you don’t want to go, chances are once you get there and do the activity, you will feel better. I’ve never been sorry later that I made myself get up early and go. Plus it’s more than exercise. If you go to a gym or participate in a group class, you make wonderful relationships, which is even more important as we get older. It’s a support system, which is very good for us as well. As an instructor, I have been profoundly affected by how I become involved in people’s lives, and the opportunity to see the progress they make.”

Anne says everyone plays a part.

“An instructor can change a life, but so can another person in a class. Maybe your friend doesn’t want to go, but sees you going and how well you are doing and decides that maybe now’s the time to try it. It’s a powerful nurturing effect we all can have on one another.” I have found that to be true as well. Everyone feels shy about walking into a gym, rec center or class for the first time. But once you’re through the door, you’re welcomed and supported. Working with a certified personal trainer or in a class with a certified instructor is the best way to gain confidence quickly—and learn the proper form so you can get the benefits without injury.

More muscle mass, stronger bones, and reduced symptoms of arthritis, diabetes, obesity, back pain and depression—weight training sounds pretty awesome.

And it’s fun! Really. I personally like how it feels afterward…like I’ve really tested myself and can feel the difference. Starting slow is truly important. But if you stick with it, I bet you’ll get hooked.