Rock The Wrinkle

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Sleepy?

04/23/2018 /

Are you tired?

When was the last time you really slept…like an uninterrupted 8 hours?  Or took an actual afternoon nap without the cell phone interrupting your peace?

Why is it we can’t sleep?  And why do we think we’re not supposed to?

Especially for us baby boomers and beyond…sleep is precious.  Agingcare.com says:

Sleep needs change naturally throughout a person’s lifetime. For example, it is common knowledge that children and adolescents need more sleep than adults. Interestingly, though, older adults need about the same amount of sleep as their younger counterparts—seven to nine hours each night.

Unfortunately, many older adults get less sleep than they need. One reason is that they often have a difficult time falling asleep. A study of adults over 65 found that 13 percent of men and 36 percent of women take more than 30 minutes to fall asleep each night.

And while it’s often said that sleep problems are a normal part of aging, that’s actually not the case.  If you’re really have problems sleeping, you might want to see your physician.  But if it’s an occasional thing, here are a few suggestions from agingcare.com:

  • Follow a regular schedule. Go to sleep and wake up at the same time, even on weekends.
  • Minimize naps. Try to nap only when you must. Excessive sleep during the day can keep you from falling and staying asleep.
  • Exercise. Regular physical activity has been shown to improve sleep quality. For best results, finish working out at least three hours before bedtime.
  • Get some sun. Go outside for at least 15 minutes a day and soak up some natural light.
  • Avoid caffeine.  At least reduce it late in the day.
  • Develop a bedtime routine. Do the same things each night to tell your body that it’s time to wind down.
  • Use your bedroom only for sleeping. After turning off the light, give yourself about 15 minutes to fall asleep. If you are still awake and not feeling drowsy, get out of bed and do something low key, like reading.

But maybe falling asleep isn’t your issue…maybe you feel that taking a nap or going to bed earlier than someone else is a bad thing…that you’re lazy, or you are “no fun”, or it’s an idea drilled into you when you were younger about the early bird getting the worm, etc.

Do you really want the worm?   

Or put another way, what good does getting the worm do if you’re yawning all day?

And if you’re over 55, chances are you’ve caught enough worms.  It’s okay to rest.  It’s always been okay to rest, we just don’t want anyone to know we do it.

But hang on.  There’s good news for all you closet nappers.  According to the National Sleep Foundation,  a short nap of 20-30 minutes can help to improve mood, alertness and performance. Winston Churchill, John F. Kennedy,  Napoleon, Albert Einstein, and Thomas Edison were known to have valued an afternoon nap.

Other research has also suggested that daytime napping can improve memory by fivefold, and that a one-hour nap is best for boosting alertness and mental performance without interfering with nighttime sleep.

So hey.  Go for it.  Take a break.  Take a nap.  Turn off your phone.  And don’t chide a friend who says they need to go to bed early.  Tired isn’t good for you. There’s always time for a nap.

How about now?

“Sleep is the best meditation.”

          Dalai Lama

What You Hear When You Take a Risk.

04/16/2018 /

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You’re over 50. Or well past 60.  Maybe 70 is in the rearview mirror. You’ve decided to make a change. A big one. Take the new job. Retire. Move to the brand new address across the country or across the world.   Marry someone who doesn’t quite fit your family’s heirloom locket.

Paint your hair (what’s left) purple.

Got your earplugs ready? Because you are really going to hear it!

  • You’re too old.
  • You’re too young.
  • You don’t know anybody there.
  • You already have a good job.
  • Stuff like that is for kids.
  • You can’t do this by yourself.
  • What is something goes wrong?
  • Why would you want to start over?
  • Don’t you like it here?
  • Why would you want to live there?
  • How can you leave/ignore/betray your family?
  • How you leave/ignore/betray your friends?
  • Don’t you realize people your age don’t do things like this?
  • What will people think?
  • Aren’t you scared?

They mean well. They  just can’t figure out why you would do anything that resembles taking a risk. Especially at your age. (Luckily, not everyone will say these things to you.  Those who matter most will understand, even if they won’t admit it.)

The ironic part is 50+ is when you are best equipped to make a big change.

At least that was true for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was too busy trying to gain work experience and feel comfortable with everything life threw at me. I thought about making big changes a few times, but let fear and uncertainty stifle any real action. It wasn’t until I was able to cast off all the baggage  of other people’s expectations that I could clearly hear what my soul was telling me.

And I’m so glad I listened. Because even though every major life change brings with it moments of anxiety, doubt, loneliness (and the occasional cheese dip binge), it also brings a great deal of peace. Leaving your comfort zone can be the best way to find out what—and who—really matters to you. When you put distance between you and the way things have always been, you can  turn around and view it from a different perspective. It’s like standing in a museum and staring at an oversized canvas. The tiny, insignificant details fade away, the background blurs, and what is left is the core—the passion—of the painting.

Before, you saw the faces, you heard all the noise…. Now, what is left?  What images still touch your heart? Who do you genuinely miss and want to keep close forever? What truly matters in your life? I think it’s the good stuff—the stuff you have with you always, and can always return to.

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You will learn a lot when you start a new adventure. Here’s what taking a big risk taught me:

  • How anything is possible.
  • How lonely it can be.
  • How fantastic it can be.
  • Which friendships are real.
  • Which people live in my heart.
  • The wonder of email and texting.
  • Dogs don’t like change.
  • Naps are holy.
  • Learning new things requires forgetting some old stuff.
  • That can be a very good thing.
  • No matter how good you feel about things, you’re still going to occasionally wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what the hell you are doing there.
  • There’s not always going to be a sign to point you in the right direction.
  • Go left or go right, but don’t just sit there.
  • You can mow grass while it is snowing.
  • You need sleep.  Lots of it.
  • God is always there. He’s just quiet sometimes.

Changing your life, starting over, whatever words you use—it is not without its challenges.. But I believe the universe is standing by waiting to kick in a lot of power once you commit.  The road may not be easy.  But look where it can lead.

 

“Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.”     Goethe

 

 

 

Love over hate.

04/02/2018 /

Now is the season of new beginnings.  New green shoots pushing up through the mud and remnants of a long winter that for some, still rages on.  New hours of sunshine that add a touch of promise to each afternoon (who doesn’t hate driving home from work or anywhere in the dark at 5:30.)  New clothes perhaps, with brighter colors and fun patterns.

And depending upon your spiritual beliefs, new beginnings in other ways.

A fresh start.  A new day.

And how wonderful that this new beginning comes every year.  It can be about so many things….maybe it’s not having that tempting late afternoon snack that’s not helping your cholesterol.  Or putting in 5 extra minutes on the treadmill.  Or deciding to make a real effort to keep the inside of your car clean (good luck).

In other words, we all might want to start small.  Tiny strides, tiny victories that can add up.

And maybe most of all, it can be how we see the world, our neighborhood, our enemies, and ourselves.

Richard Rohr, a Franciscan priest in New Mexico and founder of the Center of Action and Contemplation, has written what I think are some wonderful books worth checking out.  In Immortal Diamond, he talks about seeking our true self—our soul—and letting the false self die.  The false self being what we rely on in the beginning of our lives to get us through the formation of personality, career, relationships, etc…sort of like the games we have to play to get where we are.  But now that we are “here”, we can fall back to what we truly are.

Our essence.  Our link to the divine which has always been there.

There are many powerful passages in this book, but I especially like his advice for changing how we deal with negativism….our irritations with life.  How many times I’ve been cut off in traffic and uttered language I’m not proud of, or had angry thoughts about the person next to me in the express line holding 56 items instead of 5, or any other of the countless daily situations that try my patience and usually win over my feeble attempt to be a better person.  Richard Rohr has a suggestion for how to handle these moments….(from “Immortal Diamond”)….

“Next time a resentment, negativity or irritation comes into your mind…and you want to play it out or attach to it, move that thought or person literally into your heart space because such commentaries are almost entirely lodged in your head.  There, surround it with silence (which is much easier to do in the heart).  There, it is surrounded with blood, which will often feel warm like coals.  in this place, it is almost impossible to comment, judge, create story lines, or remain antagonistic.  You are in a place that does not create or feed on contraries but is the natural organ of life, embodiment, and love.  Love lives and thrives in the heart space…it can  make the difference between being happy and being miserable and negative.”

And who couldn’t use that?  A relief valve that stops the wheel of anger right in its place, that takes the negative and wraps it in love, shuts our mouth and mind, and just sits.  I sure can.

Richard Rohr calls it our “sacred heart”…where we hold things that need love and not judgment.  I think the trick is to do it immediately, when the negative voice in your head starts.  Turn off that valve and see the person or irritation moving to your heart.

It’s just a suggestion.  But it might just be a wonderful way to mark what for many, is the season of hope…when seeds start to grow.  And most happily, when those surprise crocus or tulips spring up and you don’t know how…you can’t remember planting them…but you are so glad they are there.

Maybe we can plant a few of our own right now.

 

 

Ready to Spring?

03/20/2018 /

It’s spring.  Finally.  Never thought it would get here, did you?  And it’s early this year.  Which could explain why it’s still (depending upon where you live), still cold. Rainy. Snowy. Dreary.  Disappointing.

But wait.  Even if all the above is true, chances are there are signs of spring everywhere. You just have to look harder to find them.  Like purple crocus raising their heads.  Or bountiful cherry trees quietly sharing their beauty.  Or daffodils bending in the breeze.  And of course, lots of allergens to fill your sinus cavities with seasonal splendor.

So if it’s spring, why does it sometimes feel like nothing’s changed…like the same old, same old is still here.  You aren’t feeling younger. Or more attractive.  Or like you could skip down the sidewalk with a new piece of chalk for hopskotch.

So what does Spring mean, anyway….when you get older?

We over 50 tend to hunker down during winter.  It’s chilly and humid and makes our bones talk to us.  We are wary of icy sidewalks and quite frankly, driving at night in a snowstorm isn’t our idea of a good time.  Not that it ever was, but it used to seem easier.  Or were we just more willing to take a chance?

Spring used to mean a break from school.  Maybe pulling out the fun clothes and sandals and getting some sun.  Planting seeds in the garden.  Starting a new exercise regimen or giving up fast food (at least for a few weeks) so we might fit in the summer swimsuit.

Things change.  I’ll admit to just being grateful to see the seasons change.  To realize that spring represents new life,  a shaking-off of winter doldrums and the promise of longer days and maybe lower utility bills.

Of course if you live where it snows through May, you’re still dreaming of that…and you’re tired of hearing how it’s 75 in Miami.

Here’s what a few famous folks had to say about spring:

“In the spring, I have counted 136 kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.”

         Mark Twain

“I am going to try to pay attention to the spring.  I am going to look around at all the flowers and look up at the hectic trees.  I am going to close my eyes and listen.”

      Anne Lamott

“Spring has returned.  The Earth is like a child that knows poems.”

     Rainer Maria Rilke

“Spring is nature’s way of saying:  ‘Let’s party!'”

     Robin Williams

Spring can be a challenge in many ways, filled with mud and rain and cobwebs and long lists of what needs to be done. But it can also be a beautiful time to renew the soul.

Get some sunshine.

Breathe some fresh air.

Consider new possibilities.

Wait for a butterfly to float by.

Every season that passes becomes more precious…a treasure we hold in our hearts.  Let’s enjoy this one.

“Spring is when you feel like singing even with a shoe full of slush.”

Doug Larson

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