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Too many distractions?

I confess. I hate pop-ups. Those annoying graphic invaders that appear every time you land on a website.

 Especially the ones that cover the whole screen, and you can’t figure out how to get them to go away without accidentally opting out of the whole site.

What I hate about them is I feel like some invisible force has decided that I should be more interested in the ad or message on the pop-up rather than the site I have sought to read. Or has decided that after 2.5 seconds, I must already be bored and now need to read something else or take advantage of some offer that will only last a few seconds so I better hurry.

Excuse me, but when did I give up control over what content I want to see?

I’m guessing this is all a result of today’s disappearing attention span syndrome.

Ten years ago, the average attention span was 12 minutes. Now it is 5 minutes. And yes, fellow boomers and beyond, younger people really do have the shortest attention span.

c9e42240Seems social media really is affecting all our brains. Our brains grow and adjust according to our experiences. And we all are getting information too quickly. Our brains are getting lazy. And we are getting anxious when we’re not being stimulated.

Thus, the pop-ups.

Many say we have created a culture of distraction. We sit in a group of friends and stare at our phones. We can’t think for long periods of a time. In fact, studies are showing that because we are now finding it so hard to just sit and let our minds settle, we are becoming worse at creative thinking.

That’s scary. Because quiet, let-your-mind-wander moments are often when our great ideas appear. Answers to questions we’ve been pondering suddenly seem clear. Concepts for paintings, melodies for songs, equations for formulas…they have to have space and air to rise to the top of our minds.

But these days, it seems no one can just “be”. Standing in line means reading an article online. Waiting for a friend to arrive means sending an email. Sitting in traffic gives us time to check the market’s performance.

Instead of letting our mind wander, we reach for a gadget.

It’s a wonder anyone gets any real serious thinking done at work. The average office worker is said to check his or her mail 30 to 40 times an hour. That’s a lot of distraction.   And of course we don’t unhook from our electronic addictions at lunch, or even after work, or, God forbid, on vacation—it’s a constant attack on our weary brains.

I know some people who can’t sit through a movie unless it’s less than two hours or it’s on television so they can be checking their phone the whole time. I really wonder how many people under 50 enjoy, or even attempt, reading a long article, much less a book, without being interrupted many times. Or without first tweeting or posting to Facebook what they’re doing.

JOd4DPGLThifgf38Lpgj_IMGDeep thinking isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. We’ve got to fight back. Put down our phones. Turn off the computer for a few hours. Go on a vacation that allows our brain to put on sunglasses, feel the breeze, and vegetate.

It’s great to have so much information at our fingertips 24 hours a day. But it’s also up to us to remember we can decide when we access it.

And when we’d rather let our brain send us its own amazing “pop-up”.

 “Stillness reveals the secrets of eternity.”

        Lao Tzu

 

 

 

 

Breaking bread without breaking into a fight.

I love the movie “Home For The Holidays” with Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.  I think it captures the sweetness and dysfunction that can go hand-in-hand when you mix grown siblings, carving knives and childhood memories that maybe never were.  I really enjoy how in 10 minutes, this movie family can experience everything from empathy to sadness to raucous laughter to misery.   It’s a bumpy weekend, but if you ride it all the way through, the movie ends with a universal truth that touches your heart.  (At least it does mine.)

Turkey day is coming, and with it, a cornucopia of relatives, friends and ex-spouses you might not have seen in at least a year. Making safe conversation about something besides the weather can be more than difficult; it can feel like work when it seems you have nothing in common. And while some prefer to find an easy chair and just nod or smile occasionally and feign a trance, most of us want to at least find a way to interact without going down the forbidden paths of religion, politics, the right way to mash potatoes, the real color of someone’s hair, or that disagreement between the states (sometimes referred to as the Civil War).

And this year…well, need i really say it?  Politics is front and center.  Emotions are raw and for good reason.  If you’re dreading rubbing shoulders with those on the other side of the ideological fence, you’re not alone.

It’s a tough assignment. But as boomers, we have a rich frame of reference to draw from—so it should be easier, right?

leaves

We have been to enough holiday meals to understand that sometimes the oven explodes, the dog jumps in the middle of the table and there’s a shouting match before the salad is served.

It gives us rich material. Which comes in handy, as do good listening skills, curiosity, and some natural wit—all part of the art of conversation. After all, these are people you are going to be around for several hours—eating, cleaning up, walking after dinner, watching football, whatever—wouldn’t it be nice to find a few good topics for discussion?  (Or more simply, we’re not the family in the Norman Rockwell painting, but we do care about each other…and arguing when you’re consuming this much sugar and carbs just isn’t a good idea.)

Apparently this conundrum is universal.  Books tells us how to  master the art of wit and conversation.  Magazine articles instruct us on how to be nice to one another.  But rather than let sociologists pull a chair up to the dinner table, I try to go within and keep it simple.  For example:

  • When things get weird, be ready with a few subjects that make for good conversation instead of disagreements.
  • Keep your jokes short, and nice.  Really.  Save the tacky stuff for another time.
  • Listen to others with an open mind.  If you hear something you really don’t agree with, consider whether you want to challenge it…or maybe wait until later when you can trap the person in the food pantry and make your point then?  Or maybe just have another helping of dressing.
  • Remember you love these people. (Maybe not the boyfriend with more chains than Marley’s ghost , but he’s not here because of you anyway.  And maybe he just needs a hug.)candles

I think if you go to any  large gathering with the attitude that it will be positive and interesting, it usually turns out that way.  But I do  confess this year is going to be a major challenge for many of us.  My feelings are very strong, and I’m very disappointed in recent events.  But I also know that some in attendance at my Thanksgiving table feel differently. Maybe ahead of time, we should ask the host to declare a moratorium on debate.

Thanksgiving is about being grateful for what we have, the people in our lives, and even just the miracle of waking  up every day.  It’s a celebration of everything, including our differences.  As passionate and strong as they may be.

Like any family, we have strong opinions about a lot of things, but for a day, we can put aside our differences and turn off the cell phone and “like” just being together.  Enjoy the pie.

And argue later.

(We’ll have lots of chances to do so.)

 

“Where we love is home, home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.”

-Oliver Wendell Holmes

Being safely who we are.

Who   am I , really?  Am I not you?

Are you not me?

Are we not one and the same…beings who are essentially spirit, trying our best to love, live, breathe and make the most of our lives?

Is it ever fair to judge anyone?  To decide that we somehow know what is right, what is normal, and to judge others as coming up short?

I am but one person.  As are you. As each of us is.

IMG_0611 - Version 3Living, breathing, human.  Each doing his or her best.  Each just wanting to have a life.

To love.  To laugh.  To cry.  To make each day count.

How can it be okay for anyone to try and take that away?

I believe each person deserves to live life as fully and completely as anyone else.  I don’t have to agree with who they are.  I do not consider myself qualified to pass judgement on them.  Just as the ignorant and hateful have their rights, so do the loving and the peaceful.  In whatever color, form, or orientation they come in.

I am wearing a safety pin.  Its meaning is “you are safe with me.”  Whatever your religion.  Sexual orientation.  Color.  Whatever makes you who you are.

It’s okay.

We need not fear.

Because fear is why bad things happen.

We are too strong for that. I am too strong for that.  I will not let anyone rob me of my peace.

Take a moment.

Breathe.

Remember all your wisdom.  Your grace.  Your beliefs.  Your spirit.

All your life.  Now. You have been working toward getting to this place.  And now is your time.

file000143069688Don’t let anger, fear, or discord lead you astray.

Go within.  Seek your truth.

Life is short.  Let the ignorant rave.  They will not last long.

You are immortal.  Love is immortal.

Peace be yours.

 

“Best be yourself, imperial, plain and true!”

Robert Browning

“If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise.”

    Goethe

 

 

 

Say BOO! to Aging

scream-cartoon-painting

Halloween’s almost here. Ghosts, goblins, fattening candy, black cats running for their lives…so what are we afraid of?

Aging.

Yep, many of us over 50 are afraid of aging. We don’t like to talk about it. But it’s there…lurking in the closet with our sexy shoes we can’t wear anymore, hiding in the medicine cabinet with the pain relievers and hair growing tonic we don’t want to admit we have, and stalking us when we have to find our glasses to read the small (and sometimes large) print.

The more we shy away from it, the bigger the fear grows. Maybe if we don’t look at it, it will go away. Then again, maybe not.

How about we turn on the light and see what’s really there?

•  Fear of losing our minds. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are very real, and not pleasant. I know firsthand what it’s like to watch an aging parent go through this frightening forest so I do not diminish the importance of catching early warning signs and seeking treatment as soon as possible.

Yet, it’s not a good idea to just decide if you’re growing older, your mind won’t be as sharp. Studies show that it’s basically a case of we have too much information in our brains by the time we reach the 60+ years, so some of it is going to fall away, or at least be harder to remember. Science further has shown that older folks do a better job of assessing the “big” picture and arriving at solutions than the younger set.

You’re feeling better already, aren’t you?

• Fear of becoming physically frail. Granted, the years take their tolls on joints, muscles, bones. But if you stay active and incorporate weight training into your exercise regimen, you can build muscle your entire life. You can reduce your chances for major diseases. You can lift your mood and find it easier to get up and get going in the morning.

People who are lifelong fitness buffs have always known this. Science is catching up and telling people don’t give up…get up and do something. Now.

• Fear we’ll be alone. Are you alone now? Would you like more friends? Don’t let fear keep you on the couch. Walk around the block if you can. Drop by an art museum. Volunteer: it’s not only a great way to meet people, it’s been proven to be physically good for you. Join a discussion group at a local library. Mentor a young person in your career.

Having friends of all ages is (once again) not only a good idea for your brain, it’s also a key component of healthy aging. We need each other.

• Fear we will actually look old. Yes sports fans, it happens. Wrinkles. Age spots. Saggy skin. You can lock yourself in the closet. Or wear a gunny sack. Or, you can get out there and be proud you are alive—and every mark on you tells a story. Movie stars get plastic surgery, have a team that spends hours making them look better, and sit in perfectly lit sets so they seem ageless. They aren’t.

Personally, I’d rather use all that energy to hike a trail or laugh at the wrong time. At this age, we should all know and embrace how beauty really is within and wrinkles just show more smiles.

This Halloween, let the kids put on the costumes and scare one another. We can sit back and enjoy it all…and know that we are just fine as we are. Growing older and better…and rocking that wrinkle!

“The fears we don’t face become our limits.”

        Robin Sharma

 

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