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Greeting Ourselves.

05/16/2016 / Laura

May is traditionally a time of graduation. It’s also a month that is very unsettled in terms of weather, with winter not wanting to loosen its grip while spring and summer await impatiently backstage for their time to take a bow. Throw in Mother’s Day for a healthy dose of emotion and you have a period of time that can make you feel a bit unsteady. Recently, the zigzag of temperatures mixed with the mortar boards flinging in the air made me think back to when I stood on that overlook…wondering where I was going next, what would I become, and had I chosen the right road.

Back then, it felt like I had forever ahead of me, and I was sure that no matter what path I chose, I would end up in the “right place.” Since then, I’ve realized it’s not so easy to know which fork in the road is the right one. More than once along the way it’s felt like I went the “wrong” way and would surely tumble into an abyss. I’m a baby boomer after all.

I thought I’d be young a lot longer.

Lately it’s also felt like maybe part of me split off a long time ago…the part that had all those dreams and ideals and aspirations. While my practical self waded through jobs, tax payments, mortgages, failed relationships, arthritis, and a few extra pounds, my “real” self was out there, waiting, for me to come to my senses so my “real life” could start.

Crazy. And exhausting. Maybe it’s time for the two to come together.

Maybe it’s time to realize they’ve both been in me all along. I think that’s one of the great joys of growing older: coming to peace with who we are. Who we really are.

I ran across a wonderful poem by Derek Walcott that says it so nicely:

Love After Love —by Derek Walcott

The time will come

when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other’s welcome, and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

What a nice image. To greet all you are and have always been with love and acceptance.

To celebrate all of it, good and bad, beautiful and not-so-attractive, smart and foolish.

To welcome.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

Rumi

Ready to risk?

05/09/2016 / Laura

You’re over 50. Or well past 60. You’ve decide to make a change. A big one. Take the new job. Retire. Move to the brand new address across the country or across the world. Marry someone who doesn’t quite fit your family’s heirloom locket. Or, (gasp) maybe you’re considering moving back to previous, less glamorous location after several years of living the dream.

And here it comes…

You’re too old.
You’re too young.
You don’t know anybody there.
You already have a good job.
You can’t do this by yourself.
What is something goes wrong?
Why would you want to start over?
Don’t you like it here?
Why would you want to live there?
How can you leave/ignore/betray your family?
How you leave/ignore/betray your friends?
Aren’t you scared?

How could you consider going back to where you started?
How could you give up what you have?
Don’t you love it here?
Don’t you love us?
Won’t you be going backwards?
Why can’t you make it work here?
Doesn’t it feel like you’ve failed?
Aren’t you scared?

It’s not that they don’t love you, they just don’t love that you are considering such a big change. Especially at your age.

The ironic part is 50+ is when you are best equipped to make a big change.

At least that was true for me. In my 20s and 30s, I was too busy trying to gain work experience and feel comfortable with everything life threw at me. I thought about making big changes a few times, but let fear and uncertainty stifle any real action. It wasn’t until I was able to cast off all the baggage of other people’s expectations that I could clearly hear what my soul was telling me.

And I’m so glad I listened. Because even though every major life change brings with it moments of anxiety, doubt, loneliness (and the occasional cheese dip binge), it also brings a great deal of peace. Leaving your comfort zone can be the best way to find out what—and who—really matters to you. When you put distance between you and the way things have always been, you can turn around and view it from a different perspective. It’s like standing in a museum and staring at an oversized canvas. The tiny, insignificant details fade away, the background blurs, and what is left is the core—the passion—of the painting.

Before, you saw the faces, you heard all the noise…. Now what is left? What images still touch your heart? Who do you genuinely miss and want to keep close forever? What truly matters in your life? I think it’s the good stuff—the stuff you have with you always, and can always return to.

In fact,I also think we must stay open to what comes after the big risk and the wonderful self-discovery. Sometimes, we come to a point where we start to realize we have made the dream come true. We did accomplish many things, have wonderful new friends, and gave ourselves a magnificent gift. And now that we done it, we might find ourselves longing to simplify our lives even more. And that could mean going back to where we started.

You will learn a lot when you start any new adventure. Here’s what taking a big risk taught me:

How anything is possible.
How lonely it can be.
How fantastic it can be.
Which friendships are real.
Which people live in my heart.
The wonder of email and texting.
Dogs don’t like change.
Learning new things requires forgetting some old stuff.
No matter how good you feel about things, you’re still going to occasionally wake up at 3 a.m. and wonder what the hell you are doing there.
There’s not always going to be a sign to point you in the right direction.
You can mow grass while it is snowing.
You can come home again. And again.
God is always there. He’s just quiet sometimes.

Changing your life, starting over, whatever words you use—it is not without its challenges.. But I believe the universe is standing by waiting to kick in a lot of power once you commit. The road may not be easy. But look where it can lead.

“Trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” Goethe

Clothes for 50+: Where are they?

05/02/2016 / Laura

Okay, clothing retailers, listen up.

I don’t care if you create clothing for the office, the beach, the gym, the couch, or any other use…for women or men…you have some explaining to do.

Why is it that an average-sized woman, let’s say a 10 or 12, goes to the store to try and find something and discovers that suddenly, even the extra large does not fit her?

Or a man who is a bit taller than average and maybe has a normal physique plus a few extra pounds finds himself having to check out the big or “hefty” section?

Where are the clothes that fit us…those of us who are not size 2? Are there really millions of people so pencil-thin they can wear skin-tight clothing and smile?

Odd. I sure don’t see them at the movies.

Or in the grocery store.

Or walking their dogs.

Or in a business meeting.

What I do see is a whole generation of people over 50 who are healthy, active, and yes, probably have a mid-section a bit larger than when they were 25. Guess what. It happens.

And it’s perfectly okay.

We still need to wear clothes. We’d still like to look nice…attractive…even sexy at times. And we’d like to do it all and still be able to exhale.

So where are we supposed to go for an outfit?

I find it most annoying when I’m trying to find so-called “active wear” that actually lets me be active without passing out from strangulation. You know, loose pants for yoga. Soft, breathable materials for T-shirts that have actual sleeves. Exercise shorts that don’t cut off circulation.

I mean, like many boomers and beyond, I’m trying to tone myself and be stronger…so why are there no clothes that understand this?

Excuse us for living. We’re over 50. We’re a major force when it comes to retail sales.

And we’re getting tired of being ignored.

I have no desire to try and look 25. I don’t have the energy. I celebrate my wrinkles, gray, and extra rolls that come with normal aging. But I also am not ready to cut holes in a gunny sack and head out the door. And sorry, but I know I’m not an extra extra large. And even if I were, I would expect you, Mr. Clothier, to want to help me look as good as I can. And quite frankly, I think you’re failing. Because most of the clothes I see that I guess are aimed at me are either unwearable, or flat-out ugly.

And this whole skinny jeans craze is not a healthy message to women or men….to look so thin that you disappear. To be ashamed you can’t get in a size zero. (Now if you are very thin naturally, or you are struggling with an eating disorder, God bless you. You also deserve to look as good as possible. But that’s not the point here.)

I call upon all the brands….Nike, REI, Liz Claiborne, Charter Club, Everlast, Prana, and others, as well as men’s fashions…don’t ignore us. Don’t ask us to be something we’re not. Go out on a limb and come up with some “active boomer” clothes….and I don’t mean what June and Ward Cleaver wore. I’m talking comfort. Style. And realistic sizes.

Help us want to be seen. So we can exercise. Travel. Laugh. Live. And yes, spend money on your products.

We’re rocking the wrinkle. You can too. And you’ll be glad you did.

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

P.J. O’Rourke

Are you who you are?

04/25/2016 / Laura

At this point in our boomer and beyond lives, it’s safe to say our personalities are pretty set. Whether we realize it or not, we project how happy we are, how generous or selfish we are, and how positive or negative we are. Granted, we might have an occasional epiphany or revelation that stops us in our tracks, but for the most part, we are a specific person—and others know us by this.

Then again, is this who are we really? Is this who we really were meant to be?

Without getting too crazy, think about it this way: are you the man or woman that society, your parents, your spouse and your boss expects you to be? When deep down, there’s a rebel dying to get out….

An artist straining to break free and do something unique….

An adventurer who wants to throw caution to the wind and roam the world….

A peaceful counselor who’d rather negotiate that join in the regular family fight….

A contemplative who much prefers solitude and a pen and paper to raucous family get-togethers….

And if you’re not letting that inner person shine through now, when will you?

Professor, writer, and mythologist Joseph Campbell says “the heroic life is living the individual adventure.” Here are some of his thoughts:

“If what you are following is your own true adventure, if it is something appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness, then magical guides will appear to help you. If you say, ‘Everyone’s going on this trip this year, and I’m going too,’ then no guides will appear. Your adventure has to be coming right out of your own interior. If you are ready for it, then doors will open where there were no doors before, and where there would not be doors for anyone else. And you must have courage. It’s the call to adventure, which means there is no security, no rules.”

Picture a 70+ year-old man who decides he wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, and his children think he’s crazy.

Or a 65-year-old woman who sells her possessions and joins the Peace Corps because she’s always wanted to teach children how to sew.

Or something as simple as deciding you don’t like playing bridge every Thursday. Or wearing your hair the same old way (maybe a purple stripe?) Or being expected to watch the grandkids on the beach when in fact, you’d like to try surfing.

Why not?

It takes courage.