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Self Care After 50.

Most of us boomers and beyond are pretty good at taking care of others. We’ve had enough practice. Whether when raising children, watching over nieces and nephews, or taking care of our parents as their health faded. We know how to wipe chins, listen to tearful confessions, and hold a wrinkled hand.

And yet, when it comes to taking care of ourselves, we often fall short.

photo-1428263197823-ce6a8620d1e1A friend tells us about a situation that is causing pain, and we offer advice. Someone we love worries over an injustice and we bristle over the fact that anyone would hurt our loved one. Yet we find it hard to be as protective of ourselves.

Oh, it will be okay. We’re fine. Yes, it hurt, but we’ll get over it. Oh, we’re sure they didn’t mean to be so rude.

It’s wonderful to be kind and forgiving to others. But why is it sometimes so hard to be that way towards ourselves?

Maybe we forget we even have the power to really be kind to our inner self. We want others’ approval; we want to fit in; we want to do what “is right.” Yet perhaps what we need most right now at this point in our lives is our own approval.

Our own forgiveness.

I doubt anyone gets to the boomer and beyond status without making a few mistakes. Not achieving a goal we just knew we would accomplish. Missing out on a major career opportunity. Letting that true love get away.

So we think we’ve failed.

But I don’t agree. I think that many times, that “wrong road” we took actually was right where we needed to be.

We learned a lot, grew stronger, and probably discovered things about ourselves and others that we would never have known had we been “successful”.

photo-1413920346627-a4389f0abd61There’s a lot to be said for persevering through a tough challenge. And regardless of where we have come from, what matters most is where we are right now. Are we living life as we hoped?

Do we greet each day with anticipation?

Is there a moment of happiness each day, or at least contentment?

Can we find a reason to laugh each day?

And most of all, do we treat ourselves gently, with respect, love, and a little slack?

I think each of us has earned, and deserves, that much. Remember the 1986 book “How to Be Your Own Best Friend”? It was all about self-love and acceptance, and it was somewhat ahead of its time. There were critics who thought that being your own best friend was an odd idea. Yet those who embraced it cheered how for the first time, they felt permission to just be who they are.

And it was a reminder of how important it is to feel okay in your own skin. Which after 50+, 60+, 70+, and beyond years, feels pretty good.

Scars and all.

 

“I celebrate myself, and sing myself.”

   Walt Whitman

 

 

 

Put down the rocks.

Life is difficult.

So says M. Scott Peck in “The Road Less Traveled.” Yet, we solider on, because that’s what we do. One foot in front of the other, even on the cloudy, gloomy days when staying in bed or hiding with a bag of Cheetos sounds much more appealing. I certainly have my gray days, when it feels like somewhere, I made a wrong turn.

sw_RoadClosed_ncpx0034What about that happy ending…did I miss the exit sign?

Weren’t things supposed to be easier by now?

In the movies; the answer is yes. In real life; not so sure. We look at the outsides of other people and compare them to our insides. And often, we don’t like it.

“They” look happy. Successful. Stress-free. “They” don’t have cellulite. Or past-due notices in their mailbox. Or family members that give them migraines.

While “we” are tired, frustrated, and bored to death with the daily routine. We don’t recognize ourselves in the mirror. We think about that boyfriend or girlfriend we let slip away. We kind of just wish someone would come along and pay our bills and show us where the yellow brick road begins.

Hey, maybe there’s a map somewhere, one that leads to that treasure we all think we’re going to find. But wouldn’t it be ironic if we found the map, and “X” is right where we are right now?

Could it be we’re making things harder than they have to be?

That maybe instead of just dealing with what is going on right now, at this very moment, we’re also still worrying about everything that happened up until now, as well as everything that we think could possibly happen in the future?

Whew, that’s a lot right there.

In the book of meditations known as “God Calling”, edited by A.J. Russell, there is a passage that talks about a hiker, slowly climbing up a mountain, pausing to rest and survey the landscape below. As the hike becomes more and more difficult, the hiker has to stop more often, breathing heavily, his legs burning, his back aching, wondering if he will make it the rest of the way.

Then this question is raised:

What if the hiker put down his backpack and began to take out rocks…one rock for each hike he had ever gone on?  What if all along, he’d been hiking up this mountain carrying a pack full of rocks from his entire life? What a load he had put on himself! Now, free of those rocks, he can continue…stronger and lighter, knowing he will make it the rest of the way.

I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to carry a lot of rocks around. From childhood.  From failed relationships.  Bad jobs.  Things I should have said.  Things I should not have said (those are some big rocks).  I even pick up other people’s rocks and try to carry them as well, though I don’t know why.

It seems so simple, yet it can be so hard…stay in the present.  Live right now.  Just take it a day, a moment at a time. Some days are cloudy. Some days just are the pits. But it’s not going to last forever—and once it’s done, it’s done.

IMG_0320 - Version 2Here, now.  Carry only what you can. Put the rest down.

And if that load really is more than you can bear, I believe you don’t have to do it alone.

I’m going to keep climbing.  And I’m going to keep my pack as light as I can.  Because I’ve lived enough years to be stronger and wiser than I was many years ago. I know I can make it. And I know the view from the top—or from wherever I am at that moment—will be worth it.

 

“It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop.”

Confucius

 

 

Why it’s great to be a baby boomer.

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Here’s some of the reasons I think it’s great to be a boomer:

  • Feeling at ease in situations that used to cause you anxiety.
  • Remembering Jackie Robinson, Bart Starr, John Havlicek, Bobby Orr, Arnold Palmer and Rod Laver.
  • Smiling at the millennial wearing the tie-dye because you have an original in your closet.
  • Experiencing a resurgence of energy once you finally choose a retirement date.
  • Loving the fact you were alive when man walked on the moon, the Beatles arrived, polio was eradicated, television was born and people wrote letters.
  • Being okay with the fact that you have no idea who that young guy is that’s hosting Saturday Night Live, because you can’t stay up anyway.
  • Understanding more than ever how important it is to be kind to others.
  • Not bothering to ask the  salesperson to not call you “sir” or “ma’am” because it’s not worth it and after all, you’ve earned it.
  • Howdy Doody.  Roy Rogers.  Our Gang.  Johnny Mathis.  Pop Tarts.
  • Having younger people in your profession recognize you as a mentor.
  • Not sweating the small stuff.
  • Loving the fact that vinyl is back…and you still have your original Beatles albums. (or Glenn Miller, Mel Tormé, Buddy Holly, etc.)
  • Polishing your ’55 Chevy and getting ready for the classic car show.
  • Having the self control to not express every thought that comes in your head.
  • Watching reruns of Wyatt Earp and Have Gun, Will Travel.
  • Knowing you have the experience, wisdom and talent to do anything you set your mind to.

What else?   Share what you like about being a boomer….I’d love to know.

 

“How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?”

Satchel Paige

 

 

A New Year of Many Colors

We get many different kinds of gifts at Christmas.  Some we asked for.  Some we really don’t want, but appreciate the effort.  Some are surprises; some are specific answers to requests.

But it’s often the unexpected that really touch our heart.

A friend, someone dealing with all kinds of challenges in her life, left me a gift at my door.  It’s one that I think is setting the tone for my 2016.

It’s one of those (and forgive the fact that I’m not good at this description) garden stakes that absorbs the sunlight, and then later in the dark changes colors.  At the top of this stake is a glass angel. I don’t know how, but it turns blue, green, red, purple…at night, in the dark, after a day of capturing sunlight.

I absolutely love it.

candlesI first noticed it working its magic this evening, which by the time you read this, will be last night or a few nights ago, but it doesn’t matter.  It was a wonderful, unexpected surprise.  Light and color in the blackness.  Beauty piercing the stillness.

I love that it’s so many colors.  And that it bursts through the darkness to shine as bright as any light during the day. I’m thinking it’s a sign of the new year.

We’re in this together.

We are so many colors.  

And the best gift we can give each other is to shine in the darkness. to celebrate the diversity of who we are, and to radiate light for one another.

Like anybody, I’d like my new year to be filled with wellness.  With good income and easy days.  With friends and love and less worry.

But who knows what is ahead…things happen.  Hearts get broken.  Challenges descend without warning.  People we love die.

Yet, could we….as this simple glass angel is doing…project a light for others to follow?  Could we remember that just our presence sometimes is enough to light the life for someone in need?

I hope so.  All I know is seeing this angel so filled with beauty in the blackness of night, fills me with hope.

A new year is coming.  Why not see it as an opportunity to really make a difference…even if it’s just a note, or a hug, or a smile for a stranger?

I’m going to try.  Because life is so short, and can be so hard.

But it also can be so wonderful.

And we have more power than we think to make it so.

Happy New Year…..Happy year of light.

 

“To love beauty is to see light.”     

      Victor Hugo

 

 

 

 

 

 

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