Page 45 of 55

Second (or third) time around.

07/13/2015 / Laura

Have you seen the movie “I’ll See You in My Dreams”? Blythe Danner plays a woman of age who fills her days with lunches on the patio, happy hours with friends, a little golf and memories of her early career as a singer. She has been a widow for 20 years and has stayed out of the dating scene…until a friend convinces her to try “speed dating”. I won’t give anything away, but I will say the results are hysterical.

She does later meet always handsome Sam Elliott, also at a point in his life where he’s tired of being alone and “testing the waters”. Again, without revealing any plot points, suffice it to say that meeting him gets her to thinking…is it too late? Is she too entrenched in her daily regimen to welcome in a romantic partner?

Is what she had so many years ago enough for a lifetime…or is it ever enough?

file0001556941298

I enjoyed this movie for many reasons. Blythe Danner is such a talented, glowing woman whose natural beauty shines through her wrinkles. Sam Elliott is fully white-headed and also just who he is. They don’t play games. Or try to look 30. Or immediately grab on to one another because the hourglass is emptying. I think they just meet where they are.

And I think they can do that because they are older.

it’s Nature’s last laugh it seems. When we’re young and smooth-skinned and non-bald and no stomach, we attract a lot of other attractive young bodies. But our minds can’t quite catch up sometimes. And then when our minds have figured out what truly matters and what doesn’t, we don’t feel attractive because our jeans don’t fit anymore and we need glasses and it’s a little harder to last on the dance floor.

Fear can grip us.

Do I want to try again?

Will my heart get broken?

Will he/she leave me for someone younger?

Do I have the emotional energy to date again?

Will my children accept someone new in my life?

And then the whole online thing. So many people are doing that. Some have success, others find frustration…it somehow seems backwards to trade applications and match your strong points…before ever meeting to see if that spark is there. But in today’s world, meeting people—especially after age 50—is like searching for a mouse in a cornfield. You know he/she might be out there, but you have no idea if you’ll ever cross their path.

And speed dating? Wow. They say we decide in the first 30 seconds or so whether we want to see someone again. But gosh…I fear I’d drop my index cards with my carefully written opening lines, knock over the water glass, and somehow impale myself with a fork…before I even got a word out.

Imagine who that might attract.

It’s a minefield. It brings us all, no matter our age, back to our most basic vulnerabilities. Yet in some ways, it can be easier. If we stay authentic. If we allow the other person to be the age (legs, eyes, stomach, hair/no hair) they really are. If we remember what matters most.

If we can laugh together.

And if we can just enjoy now. What do you think?

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”

Rumi

Let’s be honest.

07/06/2015 / Laura

Seriously. Let’s be honest. Shall we?

Or, as boomers, can we?

I read an article the other day that said baby boomers are not very honest. It claimed we don’t tell the truth about ourselves on online dating sites, or post current photos. We supposedly tell our children and grandchildren, “do as I say, not as I did.”

We don’t volunteer the truth about our age. Our weight. Our marital status.

We fudge on our taxes and fib to our bosses.

And then, the article went on to say, we growl at the younger generations and claim THEY are the ones who don’t act responsibly.

Is there really such a divide? After all the years we spent saying not to trust anyone over 30, are we now the ones who can’t tell fact from fiction?

I sometimes wonder what happened to the concept of truth. Cable news survives on reporting false information…hey it was on television, so it must be true. Sports figures use drugs and then can’t recall doing it until they get caught. Authors steal work from others. Executives make up résumés.

Politicians…don’t get me started.

These are people of all ages. Yet I admit I’m probably more disappointed in a public figure over 55 who gets caught lying, cheating, or scamming. Surely we’ve grown up enough to get past the need to distort things. Life is hard enough, why make it even harder by coming up with a fake story you have to remember?

Then there’s the little white lies that maybe aren’t so bad for us. Like not wanting to acknowledge aging or limitations. Not grinning with joy when the kid bagging the groceries says ma’am or sir. Not being content to fade into the background because society says it’s through with us.

Talk to a member of the Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980) and they might give you an earful about us boomers. Like how we are taking their jobs because we won’t gracefully retire. How instead of saving money for retirement, we’re out dancing, taking cruises, and learning to zip line…thus leaving little or no inheritance. We’re ruining the planet. Too greedy. Too self-centered. We won’t admit we’re older.

Interesting perspective. Yet I’m not sure what we are supposed to do…it would be great if America valued age, wisdom, elders. If people with gray and white hair were sought out for their counsel and opinions and younger people really respected those who have gone before. Unfortunately, I don’t think we are there.

So maybe we’re really teaching the next generations how to keep on living…how to stay viable and healthy and engaged long past the standard expiration date.

What do you think? Are we being honest with ourselves about who we are? Are we denying our age and robbing someone else of an experience? Or are we paving the way for a new attitude about growing older?

I know this: I am a boomer. I feel about 36 inside. And I’m not ready to fade away just yet.

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.”

Virginia Woolf

No more hate.

07/02/2015 / Laura

It needs to stop.

The hate.

The gunfire.

The arson.

The names.

The glares.

The insulting flags that spread hate.

The indignation.

The entitlement.

We are spirit. We are all here together on this tiny planet in an unfathomably immense universe.

We are all scared, vulnerable, and trying our best to make it to the next day.

We need each other.

WE NEED EACH OTHER.

So let’s take a breath. Pray for one another.

And consider what love thy neighbor really means.

Peace be with you.

Outer space again?

06/29/2015 / Laura

Do you remember Alan Shepard’s first ride into space? John Glenn orbiting the earth? If you are a boomer or beyond, chances are the answer is yes.

Did you used to wonder how these guys squeezed into that tiny spacecraft and went that high into space?

And what about that monkey on the cover of Life magazine?

If you did, you might be like me and also remember the rush you got when you watched all this. Astronauts were the ultimate thrill-seekers. It was so cool to imaging a human being in the heavens zipping past the stars and looking down at earth. Splashdowns were tense and exciting. Spacewalks filled me with awe. It looked so beautiful up there, the sunlight reflecting off their helmets and the panoramic shots of earth.

And when the first men man it to the moon…I was riveted to every detail. Was it really possible?

Would a giant one-eyed monster walk over the crater and eat the camera?

Even now, I can see footage of it all, and still be filled with awe. I love watching NOVA, StarTalk and any other program about space. It’s never going to be old-hat for me. I actually feel sorry for those below boomer age who just take it for granted.

I remember when the first Space Shuttle landed. I was working in a university and walked over to the student center where the televisions were so I could see it live. I just couldn’t get over how something that had gone that high was going to come down and land on a landing strip. The room was crowded, mainly with college-age students. When the Shuttle landed, they didn’t really react. Some weren’t even watching.

But those of us of a certain age were shaking our heads in wonder, holding our breaths through the whole experience. Wow! They made it! I looked around and realized it was a thrill that younger people could appreciate, but not really “get”. Too bad.

These days we (or at least the scientists) know so much more about the universe. We put a giant telescope up there, then went up and repaired it so that it could send amazing photographs back to us. We demoted Pluto but discovered so many more bodies up there. Black holes were the thing. Then negative energy. It’s still so incredible to me. I love listening to Neil deGrasse Tyson talk about the cosmos.

Yet I think it’s kind of deflating that our space program is so stagnant, and that our astronauts and scientists have to “hitch a ride” with the Soviet space station if they want to get up there.

It’s a loss of challenge, achievement, and excitement for us all in so many ways. So many amazing things came from those years of early space exploration.

Satellite TV.

Velcro.

Smoke detectors.

Ear thermometers.

Scratch-resistant glasses.

Home blood pressure kits.

Who knows what new wonders could be discovered if we decided to once again, set a goal in the heavens?

I miss it. I want to think that before I leave this planet, I’ll get to see an amazing expedition to another one. I’m not ready to be a passenger in a rocket…I’ll leave that to someone with better equilibrium. But I think the Starship Enterprise was on to something…