10 things this boomer would like to see in 2022:

• Respect and admiration for everyone over the age of 80.

 • A ban on humidity over 40 percent.

• A loving home for every stray cat or dog. With treats, an extra bed for when their bones ache, and undivided attention from their human for at least one hour a day.

• Elimination of the cell phone ring tone that sounds like an old office phone. Please.

 •Cheese dip that makes you smarter.

• A headline that reads, “Everyone on the planet is vaccinated and hospital staffs are now working regular shifts.”

 • A cure for dementia.

  • Another headline that states, “Humans understand what they are doing to the planet and start to heal it instead.”

 •Riding in the pace car at the Indianapolis 500. (Hey, I still have a chance.)

 • A renewed appreciation for science, knowledge, reading, investigative journalism, and common sense.

One can dream, right? Novelist, essayist, environmentalist, farmer and really smart guy Wendell Berry says if we could each just heal the relationship with our neighbor, just imagine what could be.

Yes, just imagine. John Lennon did. Bishop Desmond Tutu did as well. So did Mother Theresa. Even Homer Simpson had moments of inspiration.

Happy New Year…let’s be kind to each other.

“The teachers are everywhere. What is wanted is a learner.”

Wendell Berry

I lost a good friend this week. A neighbor who was 91 and lived an amazing life. He was a kind, quiet, witty man who loved his wife (married 68 years) and his many children, grandchildren and probably great-grandchildren (I’m not sure if that’s happened yet). I miss him already.

I”d see him outside with his sweet wife, walking slowly with the aid of a walker and one of his sons, taking small, sure steps when the weather allowed. He was retired many years from a long and successful career, and from what I gathered, he mostly enjoyed time with family, whittling walking sticks, and playing music on his back porch. Just a simple, easygoing, pleasant person you enjoyed knowing.

And while part of me was sorry he chose to go so close to Christmas, knowing how hard that can be for those who remain behind, another part of me thought of what a beautiful time to go the hereafter, which I believe in. I have a feeling the angels have had to make room in their musical group for this man whose smile could brighten the gloomiest days.

How like the Christmas story this week has felt. A soul departs after almost a century of life on earth, ready for the next adventure. Another soul enters the universe and transforms it forever. One is wrinkled and a bit weary, with wisdom and patience that can only come with age. The other is new and fresh and absorbing all that comes its way.

There’s something beautiful about people who have reached this level of life. Think of what they know, and what they’ve survived. The lessons they’ve learned the hard way. The things they’ve taught others simply by being around them. And how in many cases they’ve had to accept what happens to far too many older adults: being ignored, written off, passed by without a second look.

I’ve always believed your life is missing something if you do not have at least one friend who is over 80. They are jewels who shine from within; gifts that loved to be received and valued.

There are those who say Christmas is for children. I’ve never agreed with that. Maybe these people are talking about toys and stockings and cookies. But even so, is it not the child in each of us that anticipates something wonderful on Christmas Eve? Does it matter what age you are when you stand outside at midnight under a full moon on a crisp night and look upwards?

Maybe it’s the child inside each of us that is awakened to the magic. And maybe, when we lose a treasured elder friend, it’s because the child in them was ready to run again…only this time among the clouds.

Merry Christmas, my friend. Merry Christmas everyone.

Are you feeling lonely, hearing of others’ plans for the holidays that involve lots of people?

Or are you enjoying solitude, and hoping you can find as much of it as possible for the next six weeks?

Interesting that a situation can be both for some of us, especially as we grow older and friends or family members move away, or die, leaving us to feel the loss of their companionship and support. Especially during the holiday season, when it can feel like everyone else is a member of the Waltons.

Yet we can be alone without feeling lonely. In fact, you can definitely feel very lonely even in the midst of a crowd. 

Theologian, professor and thinker Paul Tillich spent a lot of time pondering what it means to be alone and/or lonely.

In “The Eternal Now”, he writes:

“Our language has wisely sense these two sides of man’s being alone.  It has created the word “loneliness” to express the pain of being alone.  And it has created the word “solitude” to express the glory of being alone…”

Tillich goes on to discuss the many ways in which solitude can serve our souls.  “Loneliness can be conquered only by those who can bear solitude…”We can speak without voice to the trees and the clouds and the waves of the sea…. Solitude can also be found in the reading of poetry, in listening to music, in looking at pictures, and in sincere thoughtfulness.  We are alone…but we are not lonely.   Solitude protects us without isolating us.  But life call us back to its empty talk and the unavoidable demands of daily routine….”

Does “life call us back,” or is that the world we have created for ourselves won’t let us be silent for a moment, much less alone?  Cell phones. Texting. Emails. Social media. Meet-up groups. Online dating.  Conference calls. Even church.  While all can enhance our lives, are they sometimes robbing us of the solitude we each need to keep our balance?

And what about the inventors, artists, writers, poets, and others who are driven to creative expression? Is this even possible without time alone…and is time alone even possible?

Tillich says, “You cannot become or remain creative without solitude.  One hour of conscious solitude will enrich your creativity far more than hours of trying to learn the creative process.”

True, some do very well bouncing ideas and concepts off others in a group. But for many creative people, spending some time alone to let the tiny nuggets of ideas float to the top has always been much more productive. How else can we hear what our minds and hearts are trying to tell us?

Some people are extroverts. Some are introverts…people who, according to Psychology Today, engage the world in fundamentally different ways. Social engagements can drain them, while quiet time gives them an energy boost. In fact, MRI studies have shown that people who be considered loners actually experience more blood flow in certain areas of their brains during social situations, which can be exhausting.

At the age of 82, Psychologist Carl Jung wrote in a letter these words: “Solitude is for me a fount of healing which makes my life worth living. Talking is often torment for me, and I need many days of silence to recover from the futility of words….”

Still, it’s important to remember that loneliness—not solitude—can be bad for our health, especially if you are over 60.  It can keep us from sleeping. Increase our risk for dementia. And even increase the risk of early death.  So what to do?  You can’t just build a friend in the basement. 

But you can take some simple steps to help you feel better and maybe make it easier to make new connections.

Take a walk. Exercise. Strike up a conversation with someone in a coffee shop.  Sign up for a volunteer event.  Attend some holiday concerts or craft fairs. Get a pet—trust me, you won’t be lonely long.

Whether you’re feeling lonely at the moment, or enjoying a quiet break from the crowd, balance is always the key.

As boomers and beyond, we know we have to be a part of the world, but we also know we must feed our souls.

“It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you.” Rumi