aging Archives %- – Rock The Wrinkle

In the movie “Defending Your Life,” Albert Brooks has to face the facts: during his life, he has let fears of rejection and failure get in his way of realizing some very precious dreams. Who couldn’t relate to moments like that…in the cafeteria in junior high, at the front door saying goodnight to a date, waiting for a job interview, etc., etc.

Fear’s a weird thing. In some ways, it’s good because it keeps us alive. It can be a great alarm when we are considering doing something stupid or reckless. It can let us know when things don’t quite feel right. It can warn us that a stranger is best kept at a distance.

But it also can ruin everything.

You want to try the zip line, but you’re scared.

He wants to call her, but he fears she’ll laugh and hang up.

She wants to ask her for a raise, but she’s scared her boss will find a reason to let her go instead.

And maybe the biggest one of all: we fear we will die before we realize our dreams.

It’s amazing how competent we can feel in several areas, yet occasionally, our fears reduce us to quaking masses of jelly. Scientists say it’s when our brain detects the potential for pain. Or when we confront something we never expected. Our bodies get ready to flee. Our heart can race, we feel nauseous, we can’t breathe. In extreme cases, fear can invoke a panic attack or even worse.

Everyone has his or her own way of dealing with fear. Controlling your breathing. Being self-aware and talking yourself down. Getting control of your mind.

Easier said than done sometimes. But what about the nagging, slow simmering kind of fear? The one that sets up camp in your brain and whispers how you are too old to change careers. Too gray-haired to learn kayaking. Too mature to get out on the dance floor.

I think those fears are more insidious, and ultimately, more damaging than anything. They nibble away at our spirit like starving field mice. They’re the “what if” fears….what if I look stupid? What if they all laugh? What if I write a novel and nobody reads it? What if I fail?

What if I really can’t do it after all?

Fair enough…but what if you can?

I’ve had occasions in my life where I’ve feared that I would never achieve something that mattered to me…and then suddenly been overcome with fear that I actually would reach my goal. Talk about feeling nuts.

I think as I get older, I’m fairly well acquainted with what I fear…and what will trigger it. That gives me a slight edge as I can try and prepare my mind before I tackle the challenge. But even better, I think aging itself takes away some of our fears…because we simply don’t care that much about things that truly can’t hurt us.

So what if one person laughs when you get out there and boogie…they don’t know how much fun you’re having.

So what if you write your life story and it doesn’t sell…you wrote it for yourself anyway.

So what if none of the young executives think you really understand the latest technology….you have the edge in experience, wisdom, and tried-and-true business strategy.

I confess to having some irrational fears (heights and spiders). I confess that I’m not crazy about speaking in public. And I do listen to my inner protector if I’m somewhere unfamiliar and a warning bell goes off.

But I’m trying my best to take the air out of the fears that I think have no business stopping me from enjoying life. I’m not afraid of the white hairs that are showing up. Or the fact that I can’t stay up as late as I used to.

And I’m definitely not afraid of my wrinkles!

Go see “The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”…lots of nice wisdom about overcoming fears and embracing who we boomers and beyond really are:

Fearless!