Category: Uncategorized (Page 22 of 40)

what are you waiting for?

12/18/2017 / Laura

It’s Advent. A season of waiting, of hope, of learning patience for all the wonderful things that could be. That’s not something many of us really understand easily, in this age of right now, right here, right away. We’re so sure we know what is around the corner, so why doesn’t it just get here already?

But what if we acknowledge that we truly do not know what is ahead…and let that be okay? We might find a real peace in giving up control (like we had it anyway) and just letting life be.

You’d think as boomers, having gone through so many things in our life—most of it unexpected—we’d be used to the idea that we often have no clue. We make our plans, we deliver our list to our higher power, and then we wait for it all to come true.

Surely Santa will find us, even if we don’t have a chimney.

And then Christmas morning comes, and it’s not under the tree. The new job. The perfect marriage. The wonderful house. The dream we’ve been keeping in our hearts for a lifetime. Why? What did we do wrong?

Why can’t we have what we want, and right now?

Or…maybe we did get it.

That new job…what you really wanted was to feel competent and respected. Look around: there are probably many people who consider you a mentor. You’re smart. Successful. Own it!

The perfect marriage...would that be Ozzie and Harriet or Father Knows Best? Those are television shows. Reality is a bit tougher. And maybe just taking a look at photos of you and your spouse from the early years might remind you why you fell in love. He/she is still there, sitting right across from you every morning.

That wonderful house...it’s okay to want a sparkling new kitchen or a wonderful deck for entertaining. Maybe just making some easy changes would make things feel new, like new paint or rug or outdoor furniture. Like they say, if you want it, picture it…you never know.

That dream….this is where it gets trickier. You always wanted to live in the mountains. Or you’ve pictured the farm in the country with cats, dogs, horses and more. Or you haven’t been to Europe and you’re starting to wonder if you’ll make it. Maybe what’s really tugging at your heart is something else—a need to explore. To take a risk. To do something a bit frivolous and throw caution to the wind.

Do it. Right now. Every day. Do something unexpected. Even a little crazy. It might take you just a few steps closer to doing the big thing you’ve always wanted to do.

In “Things That Join The Sea and The Sky,” author Mark Nepo says:

“At the end of all we want, we’re meant to glow. So long and want and dream till you exhaust your heart’s desire. We learn so much from longing, and wanting, and dreaming. Mostly, that they are not the mansions we dream of living in, but the wood that keeps our fire going.”

I have to believe we get what we need, and, if we ask, we do get what we want….but it might not even be something we realize we want. Sometimes it feels like it takes forever. Remember being a child on Christmas Eve?

It’s a season of joy…it’s coming, but it’s also here, within us, even if we have to hunt for it. Let’s not give up.

“Let’s approach Christmas with an expectant hush, rather than a last-minute rush.”

Anonymous

Cookies, everyone?

12/11/2017 / Laura

They’re everywhere.

On the kitchen counter….

In the refrigerator….

Lurking in tiny bags with ribbon….

On top of the desk, in the break room, on the car seat….

Cookies!

If you’re not baking them, your neighbor is, and she just has to share. Chocolate, cinnamon, oatmeal, ginger, sugar…they’re out to get us. Even if we don’t usually have an appetite for them, right now, during the holidays, we feel compelled to eat them. Just one. Well, maybe just one more. After all, you don’t want to be rude.

_MG_3286_ And it’s that time of year, right? When eating is akin to caroling, wrapping presents, and trimming the tree.

You take a break, you get a cookie. You take a walk, you get a cookie. You breathe, you get a cookie.

Cookies invoke memories of Christmas past, when everything was filled with wonder. When anticipation just about killed you as you wondered if you really had been good all year, or was Santa listening when you yelled at your brother/sister?

Mothers just know how to bake them, at least mine did. From scratch, of course. By the time Christmas came, there were endless round tins of all kinds of cookies everywhere. Decorating the sugar cookies was especially fun, even if I wasn’t very good at it. At least they tasted good.

Truth be told, I still could probably take the tube of icing and go sit outside and consume it outright. (Of course I can do the same thing with homemade macaroni and cheese, but that’s another story.)

Every year, I resolve to amp up my exercising during December and stand firm against the temptation of the round devils. Yet there they are. Somehow, they’ve entered my house. As each day goes by, they seem to multiply. It’s like a trance comes over me and I find myself reaching for them more times than I would ever do in the middle of summer. Like a 1950s black and white horror movie, they take over my brain.

The Cookie Blob. The Dough That Ate Godzilla. Invasion of the Chocolate Snatchers.

Even Oreos. Especially fresh Oreos, followed by tart lemonade. Research conducted using Oreos’ effects on lab rats concluded that high-fat/high-sugar foods stimulate the brain in the same way that drugs do.

Duh.

Is there any escape? Maybe not. Maybe that’s okay. Of course, moderation is a good idea. I’m still working on that.

But I’m not ready to give them up completely.

I like how baking cookies fills my kitchen with a wonderful aroma. I like how in the winter, they make everything feel cozy and warm, especially if the cold wind is howling outside. I especially like how they make me feel like my mother is standing next to me, smiling as she watches me do what she did for so many years. (Or perhaps frowning when I drop the pan and eat them anyway.)

Which cookies are your favorites? Do you carry on traditions you learned as a child? I’d love to know.

As for me, I’m thinking maybe I need to make just a few more batches. After all, I sure wouldn’t want to run out….

“Cookies are made of butter and love.”

Norwegian Proverb

What you do (don’t) want.

11/06/2017 / Laura

You’d like to be thinner, but you enjoy pretty good health.

The car is really boring, but it’s paid for.

He’s doesn’t share your values, but he’s willing to help in an emergency.

The fog is too heavy to see through, but the golden and red leaves covering the path under your feet are so lovely.

You’d really rather be over there, but you’re okay here.

It’s enough to make you crazy. This whole back and forth of what we want, what we need and what we be better be careful we ask for. Cause we might get it.

They say being able to delay gratification is a sign of maturity. But what about the yearning for it that won’t go away? The incessant buzzing like a mosquito in your ear that keeps telling you hey, you’re supposed to be someplace else. Doing something else. With someone else. Living this other life. You know, the one you live in your head.

Is it enough to practice gratitude every day? Or do we have to go deeper….finding the shutoff valve in the very back of our head where our parents’ voices, our teachers’ voices, and whoever else we’ve invited to take up space keep telling us how it all should be. As my mother used to say, “how the cow ate the cabbage.”

Technology isn’t much help. Even though we’re boomers and we lived many years not having so many things at our fingertips, we’re getting spoiled too. A recent Psychology Today article touched on how so many younger people have been conditioned to think everything comes as quick and easy as a Google search. Like relationships:

“Young people are lacking a sense of meaning and feeling unsatisfied at a deep level. Simultaneously, there has been a deterioration in the depth, reliability, and connectedness of friendships and relationships in general. The reason, in part, for these unfortunate changes is that we have taken the values and expectations that we have learned through our relationship with technology, and applied them to all of life. And yet, immediacy and ease, as values for the more profound aspects of our existence, don’t work.”

Things take effort. Change can hurt. It’s not easy to get in shape. Get a better job. Make a scary move. Cut all your hair off and dye your head pink. Whatever it is, it’s not just going to happen. You have to put in the effort.

Maybe sometimes the real lesson comes in just sitting in confusion. Enduring the anxiety that arises when the way ahead is not clear. Actually being still.

As Wendell Berry says:

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.”

Could that be true? If so, it’s actually kind of encouraging. Because instead of feeling like you’re at the end of the road, it means there’s another path ahead. One that will take you somewhere new and maybe unexpected…but maybe exactly where you need to be.

“If you want to conquer fear, don’t sit and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

Dale Carnegie

Embracing The Big Love Around Us

09/06/2017 / Laura

Are you getting in your own way of happiness?

It’s so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day frenzy of just being human. From the moment the alarm sounds, we’re often on a race to hurry up and get to a desk where we can stop for a few minutes and then hurry up and get on the phone, to a meeting, across town to the bank, stop by the post office, pick up the kids, bathe the dog, hurry back home to be sure we’re in the kitchen so we can hurry up and get dinner on the table and sit for a few minutes before hurrying up to binge-watch the new series and finally, hurry to bed so we can start it all over again the next day.

Somewhere, along the way, we pass ourselves. Some part of us is looking out the window. Or noticing how the light is bouncing off the leaves as the season changes. Or remembering how glorious it felt to hike that trail on a cool fall morning or run through leaves giggling.

But we don’t have time to stop. And oddly, that’s a comforting thing.

We have our duties. Our roles. Our safe little worlds with no surprises. Even though sometimes, it feels like the walls are about 3 inches away, and getting closer.

And closer.

So that soon, our world is very, very small. And that candle inside us that used to shine so brightly and lead our way when we were first dreaming of what our lives can be…that candle is struggling to stay lit. It’s an inertia that slowly creeps through your bloodstream like a silent snake…robbing you of your curiosity. Your desire to know more, to explore unknown places and have adventures. Little by little, it seeps your energy. Like the death eaters in the Harry Potter stories it seems to hover overhead and suck the very life out of you.

A beautiful essay on the OnBeing Studios blog, “Beyond The Myths We Tell Ourselves, Big Love is Waiting” offers some wonderful insight. (OnBeing is an amazing multimedia project featuring a nationally broadcast public radio show, a portfolio of podcasts, and a digital publishing platform reaching millions of people each week.) Author Ali Schultz reminds us we are “not Atlas supporting the world; the world is supporting us.”

Schultz goes on to say:

“When I step out from the house of cards I’ve built for myself, I feel love. Big love.The clear path to such love requires excavation. We must, as Rumi notes, remove all of the blocks we’ve placed in our way to keep us from it. Somehow, somewhere, in all of our evolutionary neurological wiring, our wires have crossed so that we fearing being loved more than being safe, small, sure, busy, and turning away from the big open arms of life. We think we’ve got it all figured out. While our gifts for self-preservation and survival are strong, all we’ve figured out, really, is how to make sense of the world into which we were thrust, or find ourselves. Great skills, no doubt. But if we rely on them solely, we guard ourselves from another way of being with the world.”

“The big open arms of life.” What a wonderful image. So why are we so afraid to let go….to give up the control we mistakenly believe we have, and just let the energy and inspiration around us fill us?

Is that we don’t think we’re worthy? Or that we can’t remember how to find that energy? Are we giving into society’s obsession with youth and forgetting that we, baby boomers, anyone over 50, are the ones best equipped to recognize just what the universe can do for us…and know we have had it inside us all along?

More words from Ali Schultz:

“Perhaps the biggest form of self-denial is turning away from the grace that’s always there for us, right now here in the present, and has been with us throughout the arc of our history. Without a story to perpetuate or mental mazes to get lost in, you stop perpetuating the story, the delusion, that you’re alone holding it all together yourself. And, then, you can feel life rush in and join you in conversation. When you open to the world, big love is waiting for you.”

Taking a risk is scary. Changing your life is scary. Even just deciding you are going to realign your daily priorities can be scary, because others are going to react to what you are doing.