Category: Uncategorized (Page 30 of 39)

Let it go!

07/25/2016 / Laura

Downsizing. Rightsizing. Simplifying. Purging. Lightening your load. It’s a popular theme for us over 50 boomers and beyond. And it can be quite liberating.

I mean who doesn’t enjoy the feeling of just getting rid of stuff? Especially when it’s still usable and could be of value to someone else. Thus the many trips to Goodwill, ARC, and other charitable organizations who know how to recycle and reuse.

But what all do you get rid of?

There’s the drawer full of socks you never wear. The books you never read or read so long ago you can’t remember. The strange knick-knacks some long deceased aunt or uncle bought you while overseas. That odd artificial flower arrangement. That weird scarf you can’t stand. The tie clip you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing.

That’s the easy stuff. But what about the rest?

It can be hard to separate the memories from some items. Sure, it’s not the prettiest vase on the planet, but Mother gave it to you. Or the pipe set from your grandfather. Or the painting your father’s aunt did that you ended up with but have never hung.

Is it okay to throw these things away?

Moving experts will tell you yes, it’s okay. Keep the memory. But maybe don’t keep the item. Especially if you’re moving. There’s just too much stuff. Too many boxes to pack. Too many boxes to unload.

(You know they multiply in the moving van, right?)

Yet there’s the guilt.

We remain convinced that somehow, those who have gone on the great beyond will know we just threw out that ceramic dog.

Seriously?

The late comedian George Carlin had a great routine about this….our “stuff”. We all have stuff. We have to move our stuff because our homes aren’t big enough to hold our stuff. Then there’s the stuff we take when we travel. Which stuff should we take?

Stuff.

Move cross-country a few times and you’ll have a new perspective. You don’t think you have that much, until you count the boxes in your garage.

Oh my God, how did I get this much stuff??

I think it’s kind of like friends. There are those people who are just on the fringe of our lives, who maybe like to “friend” us on social media but don’t really know our stories. People who wouldn’t be there at 2 a.m. in the emergency room if we called them.

But would be there if George Clooney were staying in our front room.

Do you hang on to them? Probably not.

You hang on to the people who care about you. Who ask you how you are and then wait for the answer. Who laugh with you, and cry with you. People who let you be who you are, warts and all.

Those you keep. Always.

Many older people face a lot of anxiety and sadness when they are told to “rightsize” so they can move into a smaller residence, often a senior living community. Understandably, giving up cherished antiques can be quite upsetting. But think about it: how much space do you really need?

How much space do you actually live in?

Is it the antique, or the memory, that lives in your heart?

I can tell you this; being about to embark on another cross-country move and packing boxes until my eyes roll backwards has inspired me to part with many things. I can only hope they give others joy.

I know I feel simply giddy.

“How many things are there which I do not want.”

Socrates

Happy Birthday Mom.

07/18/2016 / Laura

Today my mother would have been 98, had she not passed away 15 years ago. She is instead an eternal angel who probably is quietly giggling as she watches from a distant cloud.

At least I like to think that.

Her life was not an easy one, with responsibilities hitting her hard and early amidst the Great Depression and WWII. She survived it all, raised a family, and got us through many difficult moves, losses of pets, first days of school, and more. She took great joy in that. But I wonder if she would have liked to have had an opportunity to explore her talents.

She probably would have enjoyed college. Maybe she wished she could have a “girls weekend” or vacationed in a spa.

Instead, she planned meals, cleaned the kitchen, signed book reports, and held down the fort while my father traveled for business. She was quiet around others, but quite the dry wit around us. I like to think I inherited her grit. So many times I wish I could sit down with her and talk about things.

So I do anyway.

I picture her listening, and maybe smiling at me. It feels so real. Because I sincerely believe she is with me more often than not. But maybe occasionally she’s using her wings to explore a sunny beach.

Or hang gliding over the Rockies.

Or just enjoying watching us. She is just one of the many strong women who helped make it possible for us baby boomers to go further than she ever dreamed.

Thank you Mother. And happy birthday.

“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.”

Abraham Lincoln

Moments of peace.

07/11/2016 / Laura

It’s hot.

It’s a time of confusion, fear, grief, anger.

It’s a season that asks us to slow down. Sit in the shade. Drink something cool. Take it easy.

It’s an opportunity for us to reach out to one another. Listen to each other. Care for each other.

Let’s do it. Let’s enjoy the days, the sunshine, the travels, the waves or mountains or meadows.

But let’s also reach out to one another.

Because it’s hot.

Because we’re weary.

Because we need some time away from it all.

Peace be with you.

“There is a candle in your heart, ready to be kindled.
There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled.
You feel it, don’t you?”

Rumi

Which way to go?

06/20/2016 / Laura

Whenever I go for a hike, I’m always eager to get started, to walk through the beautiful scenery, breathe the fresh air and feel the sun on my face. I’m careful to keep my balance as I walk over rocks and roots so that I won’t stumble.

So as much as I’m enjoying my surroundings, I’m mainly concentrating on my feet…on getting where I am going.

The destination.

Along with this is the aspect of time. If I’ve driven to the mountains for the day, I know my time is somewhat limited, so at some point, I’ll need to either turn around, or only spend so much time at the trail’s end before knowing it’s time to get back. So as beautiful as the lake is, or the view, or the mountaintop, or wherever it is I’m going, it’s not forever.

I can’t stay there. I want to get there, but I can’t stay there.

When I ultimately do turn around to go back down the trail, I’m always struck by how much more I enjoy that part of the hike. I see things from “the other side”. I notice so much more. Everything looks even more beautiful and I often see things I missed on the way up…maybe it’s an unusual tree. Or a lovely small waterfall trickling down the side of the trail. Or a view from a perspective I didn’t note on the way up.

The hike feels more inviting, more relaxing. Because I’ve already accomplished what I set out to do—hike the trail. Now I can really enjoy it.

But only when I’m coming back down the trail.

Lately I’m struggling with a crossroads. Trying to decide which path to take, or whether to simply be still. My heart pulled me years ago to move a great distance to answer my yearning for the beauty of the mountains. I did it, scared and unsure, but I followed my instincts and took the giant step. There were many who advised against it, just as there were many who applauded my determination.

Now, almost a decade later, I’m faced with some challenges that include, in various degrees, issues about money, aging, a strong desire to do something else with my life, and more. I’m considering turning around on the trail and going back to where I was before.

Mind you, I’m still just considering it. Yet already I’m hearing some of the same things I heard almost 10 years ago. How can you do that? Aren’t you scared? What if it’s a mistake? (And my new favorite):

How can you give up on your dream?

I’m not giving up on anything. I’ve accomplished my dream. I’ve lived it. It’s in my heart and it will always be there. I can come back and touch it anytime I choose.

But I’m not on the same part of the trail anymore.

Already, I’m “heading back” in many ways these days. It’s not so much a slowing down as it is re-evaluating. I’m asking myself:

What matters most to me?

What brings me joy?

Can I have more peace of mind?

What new adventures would I like to participate in?

I’ve been talking with some trusted friends and mentors about their experiences of “going home again.” One very successful man told me I’m “driving his Porsche.” He said he always wanted a Porsche, and longed for years to have one. Now he’s in a position to have one, but he no longer wants it. Instead, he’s enjoying married life with his wife and stepson. “But you went out and followed your dream,” he said. “You’ll always have that.”

Another wise friend reminded me of words written by author and teacher Parker Palmer, who talks about two kinds of heartbreak. The heartbreak when you are deeply hurt or angry and your heart feels like it’s in shards. And then heartbreak where you heart has to break open in order for the new good things to flow in.

I like that. Because thinking any kind of change won’t be painful is short-sighted.

Of course it is.

Giving up anything you love hurts. Yet, as I think Palmer is saying, it also makes you stronger.

I also like the idea that while I may never really “belong” anywhere—simply because I’ve lived in 4 states in my life—I’ll always “belong” with myself. Place is important, but it’s not what stays deep inside. I think I’ve always had this “place” inside of me, just as I’ve always carried other places with me as well.

Look at a labyrinth: you begin on the outside, following the wide path around the edges, slowly working yourself closer and closer to the center. Then suddenly, you find yourself walking back towards the outer edge, going back past the route you just took, yet you aren’t in the same place.

You’re covering new ground.

And in fact, you have to do that to eventually reach the center destination…before you turn around and walk back to where you began.

When you throw caution to the wind (at least metaphorically) and you do achieve what you’ve always wanted….a new address, a new relationship, a new job, whatever…you show courage and self-knowledge. No one can ever take that away from you.

Where you go from there is your decision. There’s a lot of advice out there about how to change your life and go a whole new way. There’s very little said about deciding at some point to return to your roots, and start life anew.

That’s really rockin’ the wrinkle!

I still don’t know what to do. I’ve been at crossroads before, many times wondering which path looked like the right one. But I can say that I’ve always trusted the trail to take me where I need to be.

And it’s always a welcome sight.

“Wherever you are is the entry point.”

Kabir

“The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

Marcel Proust

“And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.”
Kahlil Gibran

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

Yogi Berra