Category: Uncategorized (Page 33 of 40)

Clothes for 50+: Where are they?

05/02/2016 / Laura

Okay, clothing retailers, listen up.

I don’t care if you create clothing for the office, the beach, the gym, the couch, or any other use…for women or men…you have some explaining to do.

Why is it that an average-sized woman, let’s say a 10 or 12, goes to the store to try and find something and discovers that suddenly, even the extra large does not fit her?

Or a man who is a bit taller than average and maybe has a normal physique plus a few extra pounds finds himself having to check out the big or “hefty” section?

Where are the clothes that fit us…those of us who are not size 2? Are there really millions of people so pencil-thin they can wear skin-tight clothing and smile?

Odd. I sure don’t see them at the movies.

Or in the grocery store.

Or walking their dogs.

Or in a business meeting.

What I do see is a whole generation of people over 50 who are healthy, active, and yes, probably have a mid-section a bit larger than when they were 25. Guess what. It happens.

And it’s perfectly okay.

We still need to wear clothes. We’d still like to look nice…attractive…even sexy at times. And we’d like to do it all and still be able to exhale.

So where are we supposed to go for an outfit?

I find it most annoying when I’m trying to find so-called “active wear” that actually lets me be active without passing out from strangulation. You know, loose pants for yoga. Soft, breathable materials for T-shirts that have actual sleeves. Exercise shorts that don’t cut off circulation.

I mean, like many boomers and beyond, I’m trying to tone myself and be stronger…so why are there no clothes that understand this?

Excuse us for living. We’re over 50. We’re a major force when it comes to retail sales.

And we’re getting tired of being ignored.

I have no desire to try and look 25. I don’t have the energy. I celebrate my wrinkles, gray, and extra rolls that come with normal aging. But I also am not ready to cut holes in a gunny sack and head out the door. And sorry, but I know I’m not an extra extra large. And even if I were, I would expect you, Mr. Clothier, to want to help me look as good as I can. And quite frankly, I think you’re failing. Because most of the clothes I see that I guess are aimed at me are either unwearable, or flat-out ugly.

And this whole skinny jeans craze is not a healthy message to women or men….to look so thin that you disappear. To be ashamed you can’t get in a size zero. (Now if you are very thin naturally, or you are struggling with an eating disorder, God bless you. You also deserve to look as good as possible. But that’s not the point here.)

I call upon all the brands….Nike, REI, Liz Claiborne, Charter Club, Everlast, Prana, and others, as well as men’s fashions…don’t ignore us. Don’t ask us to be something we’re not. Go out on a limb and come up with some “active boomer” clothes….and I don’t mean what June and Ward Cleaver wore. I’m talking comfort. Style. And realistic sizes.

Help us want to be seen. So we can exercise. Travel. Laugh. Live. And yes, spend money on your products.

We’re rocking the wrinkle. You can too. And you’ll be glad you did.

“Never wear anything that panics the cat.”

P.J. O’Rourke

Are you who you are?

04/25/2016 / Laura

At this point in our boomer and beyond lives, it’s safe to say our personalities are pretty set. Whether we realize it or not, we project how happy we are, how generous or selfish we are, and how positive or negative we are. Granted, we might have an occasional epiphany or revelation that stops us in our tracks, but for the most part, we are a specific person—and others know us by this.

Then again, is this who are we really? Is this who we really were meant to be?

Without getting too crazy, think about it this way: are you the man or woman that society, your parents, your spouse and your boss expects you to be? When deep down, there’s a rebel dying to get out….

An artist straining to break free and do something unique….

An adventurer who wants to throw caution to the wind and roam the world….

A peaceful counselor who’d rather negotiate that join in the regular family fight….

A contemplative who much prefers solitude and a pen and paper to raucous family get-togethers….

And if you’re not letting that inner person shine through now, when will you?

Professor, writer, and mythologist Joseph Campbell says “the heroic life is living the individual adventure.” Here are some of his thoughts:

“If what you are following is your own true adventure, if it is something appropriate to your deep spiritual need or readiness, then magical guides will appear to help you. If you say, ‘Everyone’s going on this trip this year, and I’m going too,’ then no guides will appear. Your adventure has to be coming right out of your own interior. If you are ready for it, then doors will open where there were no doors before, and where there would not be doors for anyone else. And you must have courage. It’s the call to adventure, which means there is no security, no rules.”

Picture a 70+ year-old man who decides he wants to hike the Appalachian Trail, and his children think he’s crazy.

Or a 65-year-old woman who sells her possessions and joins the Peace Corps because she’s always wanted to teach children how to sew.

Or something as simple as deciding you don’t like playing bridge every Thursday. Or wearing your hair the same old way (maybe a purple stripe?) Or being expected to watch the grandkids on the beach when in fact, you’d like to try surfing.

Why not?

It takes courage.

Springtime for boomers

04/11/2016 / Laura

Spring is here, and summer’s a heartbeat away. Everyone’s looking forward to warm sunshine, cool evenings, barbecues, and vacations. Finally, you will be able to store the baggy sweat pants and fleece jackets and opt for short-sleeved shirts, shorts, and sandals.

Or will you? Does the thought of that make you wince?

Body image. It’s a touchy subject, especially as we get older. In our minds, (or at least in mine), we are permanently 38-46 years old, and a new pair of shorts or sandals is very appealing. It reminds us of picnics, baseball, and fresh green grass.

Then it happens…we look at ourselves in the mirror and wonder…

What happened to my legs?

Why are there so many strange spots on my skin?

Can I wear these clothes without everyone staring?

And my feet…my toes didn’t used to look like this…are sandals impossible?

And don’t even bring up swimwear. Male or female, we often spend too much time before a mirror playing our least favorite game of hesitate and debate. Can I? Should I? Will I?

What if we all decided we are just okay, that we have earned every wrinkle, stretch mark, and hammer toe. We don’t live in Hollywood (at least not most of us) and we don’t have a makeup crew ready to make sure we look our most fabulous self every time we step out the door.

We’re real people. We’re over 50. And we’re hitting the beach!

Having a negative body image is more than annoying. It can hurt our health. It can lead to depression and anxiety. It can make us want to cut off interactions with others, whether it’s a day at the beach or going to the gym or any other activity that puts us around others. It can lead to eating disorders.

Maybe it’s finally time to toss out the idea that there is one ideal weight, shape, skin color, or hair color for everyone—we’re a mixed basket, which makes life wonderful. And that’s true for men as well as women.

What’s really hard is when you heard negative comments about your body when you were growing up. I think those are some of the deepest wounds and they can take a lifetime to heal. Even if you look in the mirror now and know that you’ve changed, and you’re no longer that child with thick glasses or braces or whatever your pain point was, you can still feel that way when you walk through a crowded room or enter a family reunion.

But we really aren’t the same…we’re older, wiser, and we know our true beauty, talent, and value lies within. We’ve learned exterior looks are fleeting. And we’ve probably seen many former classmates who were “most likely to” fall far short from their much heralded potential. (And while we’re not supposed to enjoy that, it can be hard not to sometimes.)

Maybe it comes down to rebooting our thinking.

Some studies show that when people focus simply on changes in eating and activity, and NOT on weight or size, they achieve much greater and long-lasting results. They start to feel better. They are healthier. They’re not running to the scales every day or staying inside when everyone else is heading to the pool.

They also do not compare themselves to others, and they spend more time with people who approach food and activity in a positive way. They talk to their children and grandchildren about loving themselves and not letting television or the movies convince them they should have different hair or noses or other body parts.

And maybe most importantly, they talk to themselves differently.

No more of this critical talk in front of a mirror. You wouldn’t say these things to a friend. Why would you say it to yourself?

Granted, staying physically fit and active is so important to a long and healthy life. Try tai chi. Do some yoga. Walk around a track. If there’s a gym like Welcyon (for people 50 and better) in your area, drop by and see what they’re doing. Don’t let the couch become your best friend. But through it it all, don’t think you have to hide your gray hair or your wrinkles.

More and more, we hear and see boomers and beyond embrace who they are and live their lives with full gusto. It can be as simple as going sleeveless. Putting on a bathing suit. Brushing their hair and celebrating the white patches.

Donning bicycle shorts and taking that hill (no one, of any age, looks good in those anyway).

Spring is a time for everything to reach up to the sun and celebrate life. And that includes us!

“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”

Erma Bombeck

Maybe we’re okay as is.

04/04/2016 / Laura

It’s the start of the week, the month, and maybe a brand new season. We can look at it with anticipation and joy, or we can feel overwhelmed and even frightened.

Why can’t we get out of neutral and do the things we keep saying we will do? What if the months pass and we’re still just sitting here? Why does it seem like everyone else is making progress?

But then again, why don’t we boomers and beyond give ourselves a break?

Where is this critical voice coming from—the one that keeps saying we need to improve, to change ourselves, to transform our personalities into a lotus flower?

What if, for a moment, we considered how perfect we really are. What a miracle we are.

That maybe what is inside of us is just okay. That instead of hitting ourselves in the head with a block of wood, we should nurture our inner self and celebrate our spirit?

In other words, lighten up.

I like this notion. I like remembering that spirit made me and spirit lives in me. Way before teachers, preachers, or finger-pointers took hold of me, I existed. I shine. I live, breathe, and love. So maybe I’m just okay—without trying to become someone I was never meant to be.

In her book, “The Wisdom of No Escape”, Pema Chodron touches on these thoughts more than once. Her are just a few excerpts of her words:

“Loving kindness doesn’t mean getting rid of anything….we can still be crazy after all these years. We can still be angry after all these years. We can still be timid or jealous or full of feelings of unworthiness. The point is not to try to change our selves. Mediation practice isn’t about throwing ourselves away and becoming something better. It’s about befriending who we are already…if you throw out your neurosis, you also throw out your wisdom. Someone who is very angry also has a lot of energy; that energy is what’s so juicy about him or her…the idea isn’t to try to get rid of your anger, but to make friends with it, to see it clearly with precision and honesty, and also see it with gentleness….”

See it with gentleness. What a nice thought! Turn off the voices that tell you it’s time to develop a new personality. Put down the whip. Think soft instead.

Pema also says:

“Life’s work is to wake up, to let the things that enter into the circle wake you rather than put you to sleep. The only way to do this is to open, be cautious, and develop some sense of sympathy for everything that comes along, to get to know its nature and let it teach you what it will. It’s going to stick around until you learn your lesson, at any rate. The journey of awakening—the classical journey of the mythical hero or heroine—is one of continually coming up against big challenges and then learning how to soften and open.”

We’ve earned a little softness. We’ve endured a lifetime of struggle, pain, happiness, sadness, and just about everything else. So does it really make sense to think we’re doing it all wrong? I don’t think so.