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Thank You Cory Wells.

I lost someone recently; someone who meant a great deal to me when I was growing up. This person, a fellow boomer,  was a source of joy for me…an escape from some unhappy times that left me feeling unwanted and lost.

Because I felt I could turn to this person, it gave me a sense of hope and acceptance.

And yet, I never met this man.

Growing up is hard. Feeling accepted is not easy. And when you truly are not accepted at school, not part of the in crowd, not one of the attractive inner circle, it can be miserable.

I know.

I walked that path. I didn’t have much hope at the time.

But what I did have was a record player. And my beloved albums and favorite bands…because for me, music was a transport to all that was possible. One band in particular resonated with me.

Three Dog Night. More specifically, Cory Wells. One of the lead singers and the force behind forming the band. The bluesy, deep-voiced talent whose love for the blues and black music permeated his soulful renditions.

He sang from his bones. He was handsome, quick-witted, and an easy smiler. He was married and faithful to his wife and loved his children.

He was, for me, an outlet of my feelings. He was of course a stranger and  way out of my league. I knew that. But it was fun to imagine. And it was wonderful to listen to him sing.

IMG_0826 - Version 2Over the years, as I’ve grown older of course so did he and the band. But instead of fading into obscurity they kept touring, kept entertaining audiences. They didn’t let gray hair and extra pounds keep them from center stage. They didn’t dye their hair and try to dress like a 25-year-old. They just remained who they were.

Did they rock the wrinkle? Oh yes. To put it mildly.

I loved how I could finally see them in smaller venues, be closer to the stage, and in many ways, get to know who they were as people. They joked about moving more slowly. Recalled their memories from so many years ago. Praised new artists.

And Cory stayed (in my opinion) humble and generous. He supported many charities. He was an outdoorsman who loved to fish in his beloved retreat near Lake Erie. He was still happily married after 50 years with children and grandchildren.

I passed on an opportunity to see him and the band a few years ago, at a neighborhood-type festival not far from where I live. I don’t know what kept me away, but I thought I’d have another chance to see them anyway…I knew I wanted to walk up to him sometime, and tell him he made a difference in my life. He got me through some tough times.

You know, just be a human letting another human know he helped someone that he didn’t even know.

But I did not go. And about a month ago, Cory died. It was quick and unexpected. I’m sure his friends and family are in shock. I know I was, and still am.

It’s like a part of me has died as well. A part that takes me back to a painful and also pivotal time; those years when you’re just trying to figure out who you are, and hang on to any thread of hope.

I admit it also angers me how little recognition he got during his lifetime. Critics always wanted to take away from the band’s success because they rarely wrote any of their songs. Instead, they found (then) obscure writers like Elton John, Laura Nyro, Randy Newman and Hoyt Axton and showcased their songs. This led to 12 gold albums and 21 consecutive Billboard Top 40 hits.

No one else has achieved that.

Yet they’re not in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame. And now, too late, so many are coming forward to praise Cory’s talent. I only hope he can hear it, wherever he is.

He’s still teaching me. To not wait to say the things that matter. To not assume I’ll have another opportunity to do something that could touch another person’s heart. To grab each precious moment and find the harmony.

I picture him on the most beautiful stream imaginable, with a fishing pole in his hand, humming a tune. Cory Wells (Wellsley). Rest in peace.  And thank you.

 

“Music is the medicine of the breaking heart.”

        Leigh Hunt

 

How to Talk Over Turkey.

Hard to believe Thanksgiving  is almost here.  Getting together with the family over the holidays can be an interesting experience. It can be great fun catching up on the latest news, seeing the photos of boyfriends, high school plays, and meeting the new pet.

But sometimes knowing what to say to someone you never are around isn’t the easiest thing.

You know this is a great opportunity to bond. Share your wisdom as a boomer and beyond. Be inspired by some of the younger spirit.

EmXUwn6EBut what do you talk about? Will your younger relatives be interested in anything you have to say?

One group has come up with a way to start a conversation—and a unique one at that. It’s called “Family, Let’s Talk! Starting Conversations Across Generations.” It comes in a small box filled with cards. A different question on is on each card. Members of your group take turns asking a question.

A sample of some of the questions:

If i was 20 years older, I’d ______________________________

If I died tomorrow, I’d most regret _______________________

The most thrilling sports event I witnessed was _____________ 

My favorite holiday memory is ___________________________ 

Granted, some questions are tougher than others. But what an interesting way to break the ice between generations, and maybe help one another gain a new appreciation for family history.

Imagine the pioneers, sitting in a dark and drafty cabin for months in the winter, with nothing to do but maybe knit, whittle, or rock back and forth. Granted, they were probably so exhausted by 6 p.m. they preferred to just go to sleep. But would guess these were the times when fathers talked to their sons. Mothers read to their daughters. by candlelight.

candlesNo television.

No phones.

Egad….no Facebook.

Just each other. And a very strong bond.

Of course most of us don’t want to go back to those days (though some still choose to live that simply), but I think many would agree there’s a loss of connection between the generations. Back then, families usually lived in one house, or very close by. These days, we’re spread all over the place.

It’s hard. Even with a cell phone growing out of our hand.

So maybe this Thanksgiving, after the feeding frenzy subsides, the football is becoming boring, and there’s still some time left together, you might pull out “Family, Let’s Talk” and see what happens.

 

“Families are like fudge.  Mostly sweet with a few nuts.”

             Anonymous

 

 

Boomers are buying—are advertisers selling?

According to the U.S. News & World Report, Americans over 50 control 77 percent of the total net worth. By 2013, half of the populations of Germany, Italy and Japan will be over 50.

We travel. Buy more than 65% of new cars. Dine out in restaurants several times a week. Own computers, cell phones and surf the web. We like convenience and appreciate quality. We value things that make our lives less complicated.

.wi9yf7kTQxCNeY72cCY6_Images of Jenny Lace Plasticity Publish (4 of 25)

Yet when we turn on the television or flip a page in a magazine, we rarely see any advertising aimed at us—except for messages that remind us we’re getting older. Or that poke fun at how out-of-touch we supposedly are.

Aging is fine. I’m more than okay with that. In fact, I have no desire to be 25 again. Because if I were, I would not have been around to see The Beatles arrive. Experienced the thrill of seeing John Glenn climb out of Friendship 7 after orbiting the earth. Or violated copyright laws by sitting on the floor with Silly Putty and copying comics from the Sunday funny papers.

Older, yes, but not old. Inside, most of us haven’t changed that much.

Bob Hoffman, author of 101 Contrarian Ideas About Advertising, has some sage observations about marketing to those of us over 50 in a recent issue of AARP Bulletin. He says, “Older people want to be youthful, but they do not want to be like young people. The way to influence older consumers is to take the time and trouble to understand them. But marketers are too lazy and too obsessed with youth to bother with this.”

Interesting. Especially when you consider that we boomers and our parents watch more live television than younger adults. We tend to read more as well, whether it’s an honest-to-goodness newspaper in your hands or a three-page letter imploring us to save the whales. And more than 27 million people over the age of 55 are engaged in some form of social networking.

 

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So if we’re the ones willing to take the time to take in the information, why is no one talking to us?

A few are. Mostly, they are the ones that realize that once a person passes the 50+ mark, he or she doesn’t suddenly lose the ability to know what’s hot or cool. And more importantly, the boomer consumer continues to be interested in pursuing a life that’s rewarding, enjoyable and free of stress—and, with considerably more disposable income than the average millennial—is a target that marketers should acknowledge.

There are a few advertisers and advertisements that I think do a good job of reaching out to multiple age groups without making us feel like we aren’t invited to the party. For instance, GAP’s ad showing Angelica Huston. REI’s television spot featuring a multi-aged group of hikers caught in a rainstorm. Harley Davidson is a 100-year old brand that knows its market and successfully keeps them connected over the years through events, reunions and rallies.

What do you think? Do you feel forgotten by mainstream advertising? Have you remained loyal to specific brands? We have the numbers, the interest and the clout to shake things up a bit…or as I prefer to say, rock the wrinkle! Maybe it’s time we put our mouth where our money is.

 

 

 

“Any fool can know.  The point is to understand.”     Albert Einstein 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How to survive.

I love to hike and be in the outdoors. I recognize the inherent dangers of the wilderness and always try to plan ahead and respect Nature. Like many boomers and beyond, I’ve learned firsthand how foolish it is to take unnecessary risks or be unprepared.

However, so many people have not; they don’t stop to consider they are not ready for higher altitudes, fast weather changes, and all the challenges that come with backcountry exploration, climbing, or any other potential perilous activity.  And then there are those of us who think we are doing everything right and take every precaution, but still get lost, fall off a cliff, lose our footing, or find ourselves treading water.

IMG_0008It’s fascinating to me why some survive harrowing tales of wandering for days in the desert, or getting lost on a mountain trail, or floating on a raft at sea—while others don’t make it.

It could be a vacation mishap. Or a car that goes off the road and is upside down in a ditch for a week. Or being captured in a combat zone and held prisoner.

Why does one person panic when the boat springs a leak, while another calmly considers a solution?

Why does one person live to tell the tale, while another does not?

Obviously you could ask this question about almost any scary situation in life: getting fired, being served divorce papers, coming home to a burgled house, hearing very bad news from the doctor.

In his terrific book, “Deep Survival”, author Laurence Gonzales takes us on an absorbing journey into why some people endure disasters while others do not.

The premise is that there is an art and science to staying alive.

Gonzales talks about the idea of getting lost. “In daily life, people operate on the necessary illusion that they know where they are. Most of the time, they don’t. The only time most people are not lost to some degree is when they are at home. It’s quite possible to know the route from one place to another without knowing precisely where you are.”

Interesting. We head out on adventures and because we have a map in our pocket, we’re sure we know where we are. But quite often, we just have an idea of where we are going.

file0001976741550Should we veer of the path and then get turned out, we are very much lost.

Again, Gonzales applies the stages of getting lost to areas other than a dayhike in the woods. He cites examples of corporations who have veered off their right path and tried something that almost took them to the edge of disaster.

 Bad decisions can leave us in the woods.   But it’s what we do once we’re there that counts.

As Gonzales found in his research, there are people who, stranded with absolutely nothing, find a way to make it alive…while others have everything they need for survival, but they perish.

Some people just give up.

Survivors do not.

 I really enjoyed this book because I have a deep interest in what it takes to be safe and oriented in the great outdoors. But I honestly think the principles can help us in so many other situations.

Gonzales lists 12 points for staying out of trouble, saying “here is what survivors do”: 

  1. Perceive and believe. Recognize and accept the reality of your situation. You have broken your leg. You are in trouble. It’s okay to go through denial, anger, depression, or more, but now it’s time to “go inside” and accept what is happening. 
  1. Stay calm. Whether it’s fear or humor, use it to stay calm. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you 
  1. Think, analyze, plan. Get organized. If you’re in a group, establish a leader. Come up with steps.
  1. Take decisive action. Be bold while also cautious. Decide on yours tasks and do them well. Handle what you can right now, and leave the rest.
  1. Take joy in your successes. You’re very stressed. You are trying to hold your fear at bay. But you just made a fire. Celebrate it! It helps you stay motivated. 
  1. Sing a song. Recite a poem. Do calculus. Keep your mild stimulated and calm. Have a very long way to walk alone? Count each step, and dedicate it to someone you know. 
  1. Count your blessings. Be glad you are alive! Think about the people you care about and be successful for them. 
  1. Enjoy the beauty around you. Be where you are and take it all in. 
  1. Believe you will succeed. Be careful. Make no more mistakes. And believe you will prevail 
  1. Let go of your fears. You might think you’re going to die. Try to surrender to it, and thus get around it. Get off that mountain anyway. 
  1. Have the will and the skill. You know your skills. Now believe anything is doable. Be coldly rational. Do what is necessary. 
  1. Don’t give up. Survivors are not easily frustrated. They know there will be setbacks. They learn from them and keep going.

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Whether you just ran out of water in the desert.

Or your retirement savings have vanished.

Keep your head. Trust your instincts. Believe in yourself.

Be a survivor.

“Knowledge is the key to survival, the real beauty of that is that it doesn’t’ weigh anything.”

     Ray Mears

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