Rock The Wrinkle

Page 44 of 54

Let them have their victory.

08/17/2015 /

IMG_0611 - Version 3They say with age, comes wisdom. I believe that’s’ true. But at times, I want to know exactly what kind of wisdom is it that I’m getting more of each year.

Surely it’s more than realizing I can’t remember what I just wrote down on that slip of paper anymore, much less find the paper. Or that jumping off any surface higher than 6 inches is really not a good idea.

Is it wisdom about not being concerned about what everyone thinks about everything I do? That’s a good thing. Or wisdom that tells me what is really important in life, and what is really not? That helps with not wasting my time on superfluous stuff.

But what about the idea that as you grow wiser, you are expected to be kinder, more forgiving, more championing of the successes of others in your boomer & beyond community…even when it really is hard to do?

Stand by and cheer them on. Be glad for their success. Smile and clap at the right moments. It all sounds so Wayne Dyer-esque. It’s good for us. We know this.

But….

When you hear of someone who just suddenly, basically on a whim, accomplishes something you’ve worked your whole life to do, it’s hard. Even if what this person has done isn’t on the scale that you deem acceptable or have set out to do. They took the “easy” road.

You’re still trying to choose the right entrance ramp.

It’s one thing to be glad for them. It’s another to listen to all the accolades others bestow upon this person and not feel your blood boil.

Oh my. Not sounding much like Mother Teresa, are we?

I don’t like having these feelings. I tell myself I’m not jealous, because I don’t think I am. I guess it’s just that feeling of wanting my efforts recognized somehow, or maybe it’s that after a lifetime of working towards something, I don’t want to look up and see that some other person got there first because they bought the app.

Of course it shouldn’t matter. Even Jesus told a parable about the workers in the fields. So it’s clearly none of my business. And maybe I need to wise up and take a few shortcuts myself.

file000143069688But I can’t bring myself to do that. There’s just certain areas of life I hold sacred, and while I expect younger generations (cue the sound of dentures falling out) to take the shorter route to everything (they deserve the find their own and better way)…I get upset when fellow boomers and beyond do it.

Go figure. I still expect us all to play fair and be nice to one another. Which of course means I need to do that as well. Without worrying that someone else just figured out how to get there first.

I’m working on it.

 

“Success is not the key to happiness.  Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.”

      Albert Schweitzer

 

 

 

 

 

Oh my aching….

07/27/2015 /

Enough already!

So you’re over 50.  You’ve always been pretty healthy.  You walk, exercise, keep in shape.  When you see people who don’t seem to follow a healthy lifestyle, you tsk tsk them.  Think they’re lazy, or wonder why they’ve given up.  Don’t they want to live a long life?  Aren’t they concerned about that bulging belly?

Then it starts.  One day, you pull a muscle in your back. Okay, no big deal.  You take a pill, get a massage, and go easy for a bit.  Surely it will heal soon.

But it doesn’t.  At least not completely.  Isn’t that aggravating.  Oh well, it could be worse.

And then it does get worse.

You jam your thumb. Stub your toe.  Step off the porch and sprain your ankle.  Now you have pain in several parts of your body, and you’re starting to list when you walk.  What’s the deal here?

Where did your fit body go?  Now you can’t go to the gym because it hurts too much.  You can’t swing the golf club because your back is shot.  Riding a bike doesn’t go well with your sore ankle.  Even your dog is suffering because you can’t walk your usual distance due to your sore toe.

file000736703434You’ve become one of them…the people you used to mentally chastise.  People who are on the couch watching the Tour de France instead of walking on the treadmill.  The more you stay away from the gym, the harder it is to get back…or even remember why you were going.  And it seems like this happened so fast.

It just doesn’t seem fair that after a lifetime of doing the right thing, you feel sabotaged by your own body.  As though you are Gulliver and all your aches and pains have tied you down…and you wake up and can’t move.  And what’s the deal with these bruises that seem to pop up if you even slightly brush a wall or lean up against a car?  So attractive.

All the lines, the marks, the wrinkles…they suddenly seem to define you.  Yet inside, you’re 30.  Sort of.  Maybe you’re more like a fun-loving 30-year-old who likes to nap.  And wears a big hat in the sun.  And groans a bit when you get in and out of the car.

Who doesn’t?

It’s not that an ice bag or bandage or heating pad or bottle of Aleve doesn’t help us…thank heavens the opposite is true.  We heal, we get back in shape, we get moving.  It’s just too important to live as healthy as you can stand, so you can live a long, enjoyable life.  That might mean a new knee, acupuncture in the back, foot surgery, or whatever is on the horizon.

Parts wear out.  But these days, we can replace a lot of them.

Or reach for the oil can, like the tin woodman.  It’s okay.

Maybe some aches and pains are Nature’s way of telling us to slow down and pay attention.  To not make leisure time so grueling, and instead of trying to outrun aging, just let it be.  Pace ourselves, so we can stay in shape, be healthy, and live as independently as possible.

Because getting older takes some muscle. And it’s our turn to flex it!

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”

      George Burns

 

Second (or third) time around.

07/13/2015 /

Have you seen the movie “I’ll See You in My Dreams”?  Blythe Danner plays a woman of age who fills her days with lunches on the patio, happy hours with friends, a little golf and memories of her early career as a singer.  She has been a widow for 20 years and has stayed out of the dating scene…until a friend convinces her to try “speed dating”.  I won’t give anything away, but I will say the results are hysterical.

She does later meet always handsome Sam Elliott, also at a point in his life where he’s tired of being alone and “testing the waters”.  Again, without revealing any plot points, suffice it to say that meeting him gets her to thinking…is it too late?  Is she too entrenched in her daily regimen to welcome in a romantic partner?

Is what she had so many years ago enough for a lifetime…or is it ever enough?

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I enjoyed this movie for many reasons.  Blythe Danner is such a talented, glowing woman whose natural beauty shines through her wrinkles.  Sam Elliott is fully white-headed and also just who he is.  They don’t play games. Or try to look 30.  Or immediately grab on to one another because the hourglass is emptying.  I think they just meet where they are.

And I think they can do that because they are older.

it’s Nature’s last laugh it seems.  When we’re young and smooth-skinned and non-bald and no stomach, we attract a lot of other attractive young bodies.  But our minds can’t quite catch up sometimes.  And then when our minds have figured out what truly matters and what doesn’t, we don’t feel attractive because our jeans don’t fit anymore and we need glasses and it’s a little harder to last on the dance floor.

Fear can grip us.

Do I want to try again?

Will my heart get broken?

Will he/she leave me for someone younger?

Do I have the emotional energy to date again?

Will my children accept someone new in my life?

And then the whole online thing.  So many people are doing that.  Some have success, others find frustration…it somehow seems backwards to trade applications and match your strong points…before ever meeting to see if that spark is there.   But in today’s world, meeting people—especially after age 50—is like searching for a  mouse in a cornfield.  You know he/she might be out there, but you have no idea if you’ll ever cross their path.

And speed dating?  Wow.  They say we decide in the first 30 seconds or so whether we want to see someone again.  But gosh…I fear I’d drop my index cards with my carefully written opening lines, knock over the water glass, and somehow impale myself with a fork…before I even got a word out.

Imagine who that might attract.

It’s a minefield.  It brings us all, no matter our age, back to our most basic vulnerabilities.  Yet in some ways, it can be easier.  If we stay authentic.  If we allow the other person to be the age (legs, eyes, stomach, hair/no hair) they really are.  If we remember what matters most.

If we can laugh together.

And if we can just enjoy now.   What do you think?

 

“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.  They’re in each other all along.”

      Rumi

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s be honest.

07/06/2015 /

Seriously.  Let’s be honest. Shall we?

Or, as boomers, can we?

I read an article the other day that said baby boomers are not very honest. It claimed we don’t tell the truth about ourselves on online dating sites, or post current photos. We supposedly tell our children and grandchildren, “do as I say, not as I did.”

We don’t volunteer the truth about our age. Our weight. Our marital status.

We fudge on our taxes and fib to our bosses.

And then, the article went on to say, we growl at the younger generations and claim THEY are the ones who don’t act responsibly.

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Is there really such a divide? After all the years we spent saying not to trust anyone over 30, are we now the ones who can’t tell fact from fiction?

I sometimes wonder what happened to the concept of truth. Cable news survives on reporting false information…hey it was on television, so it must be true. Sports figures use drugs and then can’t recall doing it until they get caught. Authors steal work from others. Executives make up résumés.

Politicians…don’t get me started.

These are people of all ages. Yet I admit I’m probably more disappointed in a public figure over 55 who gets caught lying, cheating, or scamming. Surely we’ve grown up enough to get past the need to distort things. Life is hard enough, why make it even harder by coming up with a fake story you have to remember?

Then there’s the little white lies that maybe aren’t so bad for us. Like not wanting to acknowledge aging or limitations. Not grinning with joy when the kid bagging the groceries says ma’am or sir. Not being content to fade into the background because society says it’s through with us.

Talk to a member of the Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980) and they might give you an earful about us boomers. Like how we are taking their jobs because we won’t gracefully retire. How instead of saving money for retirement, we’re out dancing, taking cruises, and learning to zip line…thus leaving little or no inheritance.  We’re ruining the planet.  Too greedy.  Too self-centered.  We won’t admit we’re older.

shutterstock_139285652Interesting perspective. Yet I’m not sure what we are supposed to do…it would be great if America valued age, wisdom, elders. If people with gray and white hair were sought out for their counsel and opinions and younger people really respected those who have gone before. Unfortunately, I don’t think we are there.

So maybe we’re really teaching the next generations how to keep on living…how to stay viable and healthy and engaged long past the standard expiration date.

What do you think? Are we being honest with ourselves about who we are? Are we denying our age and robbing someone else of an experience? Or are we paving the way for a new attitude about growing older?

I know this: I am a boomer. I feel about 36 inside. And I’m not ready to fade away just yet.

 

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself, you cannot tell it about other people.”

     Virginia Woolf

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