Category: Uncategorized (Page 36 of 39)

Retiring your way.

04/02/2015 /

Retirement is a lot like graduation. Some people know exactly where they are going and want to accomplish. Others are undecided, or just want to take some time off.

Whatever a person chooses is just fine…after all, it’s their retirement.

I think that’s important to remember. It’s easy to sit on the sidelines and badger someone who’s considering retiring…what are you going to do next? You’re not just going to sit around, are you? Won’t you get bored?

Consider for a moment that this person may not be sure what he or she wants next. After working a lifetime in any profession, it’s natural and healthy to just want to be still long enough to let your mind clear. Let long-hidden dreams or desires come to the surface. See where your instincts lead you.

If a person does choose to immediately fill their time with a second job, volunteer work, or a new project, that’s fine too. But again, it’s a personal choice. I really think our society has somehow made it a sin to acknowledge that we need time to be quiet. To recover.

To let our minds wander without checking our cell phones.

IMG_0130And then there’s the whole misconception about retirement. To me, it’s more of a change of life, a new direction, a rebooting.

It’s not dropping off a cliff.

It’s not a hard stop.

It’s an off-ramp that could lead you to some wonderful, never-before-discovered treasures.

So let the wind take you where it may. On your schedule, when you are ready.

  • You’ve followed a daily routine for 30+ years. Now you can eat breakfast and read the paper without running out the door.
  • You’ve fought rush hour traffic, driven in snowstorms, and raced to meetings across town. Now you can go for a walk before lunch.
  • You’ve run for flights, lost your baggage, endured terrible hotels, and made enough presentations before bored audiences. Now you can decide to drive to a park tomorrow and have lunch.
  • You’ve missed soccer games, recitals, anniversary dinners, and reunions. Now you control your time.
  • You’ve postponed reading great books, missed all the latest movies, and never made it up late enough to watch the show on PBS. Now you can take a book outside and read as long as you choose.

photo-1415226581130-91cb7f52f078You’ve worked for it. You’ve earned it. And now you are ready for what could be the best phase of your life.

So don’t let anyone rush you into anything. It took you a long time to get here. Just enjoy. Look around. Breathe. Lean back.

Throw that virtual mortar board in the air…you made it!!!

 

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”

      Seneca

Friendship never grows old.

03/30/2015 /

Making new friends…do you find that easy to do? Do you stay in touch with many old friends, or just a few?   (sorry about the rhyming.)

If you’ve moved across the country, changed jobs, divorced or undergone any major life change, finding new friends—and keeping the old—can be a challenge. When we’re younger, there seem to be so many opportunities to meet others who share our interests. But it can get a lot tougher as we age.

I remember years ago working with a person who said, “I have enough friends. I don’t need any more.” This person was probably 40. I was so taken aback by that statement; I couldn’t imagine not wanting to add new friends to my life.

PICT2068I’ve been fortunate in that even though I did move to a new part of the country, I have made a few very precious new friends. And just as satisfying is keeping friendships alive that I had at my previous address. In fact, there are a few friends I’ve not seen since I was a child.

What is it that makes one friendship stick, while another fades away?

For me, changing my life taught me many things about friendships. One big lesson was how much I value people who are giving, caring, and interested in others. They’re the ones you can count on when things are bleak. They’re not just your pals when you have a great job, live in a cool city, or have good connections. They’re the ones who will sit with you when cry about a lost love, rage over an unfair boss, or worry over an aging parent.

And when you have a friend like that, you for sure want him or her in your life always.

Some studies suggest we are friends with people who look like us (I’m not so sure about this). Other studies say there’s some genetic connection; that we sense others with a similar gene makeup. Then there’s the whole theory behind how we often become friends with those we see a great deal, whether through work or church or sitting in a coffee shop every Tuesday.

I’d like to think that as we become older, we are better at seeing past the superficial and choosing a friend simply on who he or she is…a good person. Someone we want to spend time with.  And someone who is willing to drive us to the airport, sit in a hospital waiting room, and listen to our bad jokes (as we should do for them).

And just as importantly, I hope that I have learned enough to be a great friend myself.

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Research tells us how good for us good friends are, especially if we’re over 50. Having a good friend boosts our immune system, increases our “feel good” hormones, reduces stress and pain, lessens grief, and even helps protect against dementia.

For sure, some “friendships” are not good for us. I have had some, and I’ll bet you know the type. They talk a good game, but they’re not around when a good friend would be. Or they suddenly just drop you like a hot potato. As a wise man once said, life is too short…just walk away.

Have your ideas about friendship changed as you’ve grown older? What do you think makes a truly great friend?

 

 “There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”

       Charles Dickens

 

 

 

Press one for a real person.

03/26/2015 /

“Please pay attention, as some of our options have recently changed.”

Seriously. Does this phrase even mean anything anymore?

You place a call to any business, physician’s office, organization, or any other number in the world and you hear this recording. So is there ANY place that has NOT changed their options?

shutterstock_91955405Why am I asking this?

Because I am weary of the all the “noise” we hear every day…announcements and warnings and instructions that really don’t mean anything. We don’t listen to them anymore, because we don’t believe they are real. What we’d really like is to actually dial a number and speak to a real breathing person.

Every once in a very rare while, when the moon is in the third house and the owl flies with a stick in its mouth against the west wind, that actually happens…a human answers.

Even rarer, a human answers and can help us. Maybe even (dare I say it) answers our question or directs us to the correct person.

I know, crazy talk.  If that happened when I called a cable company, or telephone company, or utility company, it would be dangerous. Because I would faint and hit my head on the desk.

I can’t imagine that all these automated answering systems are really saving anyone money. Not if you equate efficiency with economics. Invariably, you have to suffer through all the possible options before you finally arrive at the final one…which is the number you press to  speak to someone. Which you could have done at the beginning if a person had answered.

And I also love how every time I call, no matter what day, time, or month, I hear “We are experiencing an unusually high volume of calls. You might wish to call back at another time.”

What time would that be, if every day the volume is unusually high?

Maybe never?

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Some of you can remember the days of party lines. Of telephone operators who were there to help you. Even (gasp) pay phones.

Others will laugh at such antiquated ideas, and shake their heads thinking how far we’ve come, and how much better everything is. Really? It didn’t used to take hours to actually call and take care of a matter. You didn’t have to figure which day of the week would be most convenient to call. Hey, we boomers and beyond remember a certain secret agent making calls from his shoe phone.  Apple hasn’t come out with one of those yet!

Having worked as a writer in advertising, I’ve had to type the phrase “Please call for more information” a billion times on marketing materials. It just would be nice if it were a real invitation occasionally.

Number, please….

 “The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone was invented in 1875.  In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.”     Bill DeWitt

 

 

 

 

Embracing our limitations.

03/23/2015 /

It’s a paradox.

We’re told we can accomplish anything if we try hard enough. Yet most of us run into obstacles in life that keep us from getting to that “finish line”…like losing a job or having a spouse leave us or investments drying up into nothing.

What happened to that mystical power in the universe that was supposed to open all the right doors?

ADA0J1dicQ76uxpzK5PR5_PR_4040_retinand what about our limitations? We can’t all be CEOs, star quarterbacks or prima ballerinas. Some people write bestsellers, some toil away for years without success. Some marriages are affirming, others are filled with disappointment.

Wait…isn’t the teacher supposed to appear when the student is ready?

I know I have had many times when I just knew if I waited long enough or prayed hard enough, the answer to my questions would come. I’d get a sign that this was the right job. Or a feeling that now was the time to make the move. Surely the universe would not let me once again make a bad choice in romance.

After all, that’s what happens in the movies…people go for a long walk by a river or through a bustling city (with appropriate music playing in the background) and it all just becomes clear.

I’m still waiting for that.

Writer, teacher and activist Parker Palmer has some great thoughts on this in his book, “Let Your Life Speak.” I go back to it regularly to remind myself I’m not alone in my confusion about all of this. He talks about potential, and limitations—that while “openings” may reveal our potentials, “closings” can reveal our limits. And both are equally important.

Parker Palmer writes, “As often happens in the spiritual journey, we have arrived at the heart of a paradox: each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around—which puts the door behind us—and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls. The door that closed kept us from entering a room, but what now lies before us is the rest of reality.”

Don’t you love that?

The whole visual of a door closed behind us, and all that now is before us…a universe of potential! So it seems as though our limitations actually are what can propel us forward, even more than our potential. Something every baby boomer and beyond can relate to.

I know there have been times when the universe gave me a “push”…forcing me to take a step into the unknown which later turned out to be a wonderful opportunity. And a step I probably wouldn’t have ever taken had things stayed as they were. At the time I didn’t like it.

It hurt, or made me angry. It most likely scared me. But clearly a greater power than me knew it was time.

Along the way, I’ve also made friends with my limitations

While I realize sometimes I don’t challenge myself as much as I could, I also am okay with stepping aside from certain races. I’m not climbing up a corporate ladder, or competing with someone else for attention from a boss. I’m fine being one of the flock and not the leader. I’m good at some things and average at others.

A doorThat’s all okay. Because it’s who I am. And I can’t fool the universe by trying to be someone else.

More sage words from Parker Palmer: “If we are to live our lives fully and well, we must embrace our opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials. We must honor our limitations in ways that do not distort our nature, and we must trust and use our gifts in ways that fulfill the potentials that God gave us. We must take the no of the way that closes and find the guidance that it has to offer—and take the yes of the way that opens and respond with the yes of our lives.”

Respond with the yes of our lives. That sounds like a precious jewel hidden in a treasure chest that can only be opened by someone with a lot of years to his or her credit. Someone who understands that the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, and the joy and the disappointments are all part of being a whole person.

Not to mention a few well-earned and proudly worn wrinkles.

What do you think?  Has a closed door changed your life?

 “Never underestimate the power of dreams.”

        Wilma Rudolph

 

 

 

 

 

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