Author: Laura (Page 49 of 55)

Friendship never grows old.

03/30/2015 / Laura

Making new friends…do you find that easy to do? Do you stay in touch with many old friends, or just a few? (sorry about the rhyming.)

If you’ve moved across the country, changed jobs, divorced or undergone any major life change, finding new friends—and keeping the old—can be a challenge. When we’re younger, there seem to be so many opportunities to meet others who share our interests. But it can get a lot tougher as we age.

I remember years ago working with a person who said, “I have enough friends. I don’t need any more.” This person was probably 40. I was so taken aback by that statement; I couldn’t imagine not wanting to add new friends to my life.

I’ve been fortunate in that even though I did move to a new part of the country, I have made a few very precious new friends. And just as satisfying is keeping friendships alive that I had at my previous address. In fact, there are a few friends I’ve not seen since I was a child.

What is it that makes one friendship stick, while another fades away?

For me, changing my life taught me many things about friendships. One big lesson was how much I value people who are giving, caring, and interested in others. They’re the ones you can count on when things are bleak. They’re not just your pals when you have a great job, live in a cool city, or have good connections. They’re the ones who will sit with you when cry about a lost love, rage over an unfair boss, or worry over an aging parent.

And when you have a friend like that, you for sure want him or her in your life always.

Some studies suggest we are friends with people who look like us (I’m not so sure about this). Other studies say there’s some genetic connection; that we sense others with a similar gene makeup. Then there’s the whole theory behind how we often become friends with those we see a great deal, whether through work or church or sitting in a coffee shop every Tuesday.

I’d like to think that as we become older, we are better at seeing past the superficial and choosing a friend simply on who he or she is…a good person. Someone we want to spend time with. And someone who is willing to drive us to the airport, sit in a hospital waiting room, and listen to our bad jokes (as we should do for them).

And just as importantly, I hope that I have learned enough to be a great friend myself.

Research tells us how good for us good friends are, especially if we’re over 50. Having a good friend boosts our immune system, increases our “feel good” hormones, reduces stress and pain, lessens grief, and even helps protect against dementia.

For sure, some “friendships” are not good for us. I have had some, and I’ll bet you know the type. They talk a good game, but they’re not around when a good friend would be. Or they suddenly just drop you like a hot potato. As a wise man once said, life is too short…just walk away.

Have your ideas about friendship changed as you’ve grown older? What do you think makes a truly great friend?

“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”

Charles Dickens

Press one for a real person.

03/26/2015 / Laura

“Please pay attention, as some of our options have recently changed.”

Seriously. Does this phrase even mean anything anymore?

You place a call to any business, physician’s office, organization, or any other number in the world and you hear this recording. So is there ANY place that has NOT changed their options?

Why am I asking this?

Because I am weary of the all the “noise” we hear every day…announcements and warnings and instructions that really don’t mean anything. We don’t listen to them anymore, because we don’t believe they are real. What we’d really like is to actually dial a number and speak to a real breathing person.

Every once in a very rare while, when the moon is in the third house and the owl flies with a stick in its mouth against the west wind, that actually happens…a human answers.

Even rarer, a human answers and can help us. Maybe even (dare I say it) answers our question or directs us to the correct person.

I know, crazy talk. If that happened when I called a cable company, or telephone company, or utility company, it would be dangerous. Because I would faint and hit my head on the desk.

I can’t imagine that all these automated answering systems are really saving anyone money. Not if you equate efficiency with economics. Invariably, you have to suffer through all the possible options before you finally arrive at the final one…which is the number you press to speak to someone. Which you could have done at the beginning if a person had answered.

And I also love how every time I call, no matter what day, time, or month, I hear “We are experiencing an unusually high volume of calls. You might wish to call back at another time.”

What time would that be, if every day the volume is unusually high?

Maybe never?

Some of you can remember the days of party lines. Of telephone operators who were there to help you. Even (gasp) pay phones.

Others will laugh at such antiquated ideas, and shake their heads thinking how far we’ve come, and how much better everything is. Really? It didn’t used to take hours to actually call and take care of a matter. You didn’t have to figure which day of the week would be most convenient to call. Hey, we boomers and beyond remember a certain secret agent making calls from his shoe phone. Apple hasn’t come out with one of those yet!

Having worked as a writer in advertising, I’ve had to type the phrase “Please call for more information” a billion times on marketing materials. It just would be nice if it were a real invitation occasionally.

Number, please….

“The bathtub was invented in 1850 and the telephone was invented in 1875. In other words, if you had been living in 1850, you could have sat in the bathtub for 25 years without having to answer the phone.” Bill DeWitt

Embracing our limitations.

03/23/2015 / Laura

It’s a paradox.

We’re told we can accomplish anything if we try hard enough. Yet most of us run into obstacles in life that keep us from getting to that “finish line”…like losing a job or having a spouse leave us or investments drying up into nothing.

What happened to that mystical power in the universe that was supposed to open all the right doors?

And what about our limitations? We can’t all be CEOs, star quarterbacks or prima ballerinas. Some people write bestsellers, some toil away for years without success. Some marriages are affirming, others are filled with disappointment.

Wait…isn’t the teacher supposed to appear when the student is ready?

I know I have had many times when I just knew if I waited long enough or prayed hard enough, the answer to my questions would come. I’d get a sign that this was the right job. Or a feeling that now was the time to make the move. Surely the universe would not let me once again make a bad choice in romance.

After all, that’s what happens in the movies…people go for a long walk by a river or through a bustling city (with appropriate music playing in the background) and it all just becomes clear.

I’m still waiting for that.

Writer, teacher and activist Parker Palmer has some great thoughts on this in his book, “Let Your Life Speak.” I go back to it regularly to remind myself I’m not alone in my confusion about all of this. He talks about potential, and limitations—that while “openings” may reveal our potentials, “closings” can reveal our limits. And both are equally important.

Parker Palmer writes, “As often happens in the spiritual journey, we have arrived at the heart of a paradox: each time a door closes, the rest of the world opens up. All we need to do is stop pounding on the door that just closed, turn around—which puts the door behind us—and welcome the largeness of life that now lies open to our souls. The door that closed kept us from entering a room, but what now lies before us is the rest of reality.”

Don’t you love that?

The whole visual of a door closed behind us, and all that now is before us…a universe of potential! So it seems as though our limitations actually are what can propel us forward, even more than our potential. Something every baby boomer and beyond can relate to.

I know there have been times when the universe gave me a “push”…forcing me to take a step into the unknown which later turned out to be a wonderful opportunity. And a step I probably wouldn’t have ever taken had things stayed as they were. At the time I didn’t like it.

It hurt, or made me angry. It most likely scared me. But clearly a greater power than me knew it was time.

Along the way, I’ve also made friends with my limitations

While I realize sometimes I don’t challenge myself as much as I could, I also am okay with stepping aside from certain races. I’m not climbing up a corporate ladder, or competing with someone else for attention from a boss. I’m fine being one of the flock and not the leader. I’m good at some things and average at others.

That’s all okay. Because it’s who I am. And I can’t fool the universe by trying to be someone else.

More sage words from Parker Palmer: “If we are to live our lives fully and well, we must embrace our opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials. We must honor our limitations in ways that do not distort our nature, and we must trust and use our gifts in ways that fulfill the potentials that God gave us. We must take the no of the way that closes and find the guidance that it has to offer—and take the yes of the way that opens and respond with the yes of our lives.”

Respond with the yes of our lives. That sounds like a precious jewel hidden in a treasure chest that can only be opened by someone with a lot of years to his or her credit. Someone who understands that the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, and the joy and the disappointments are all part of being a whole person.

Not to mention a few well-earned and proudly worn wrinkles.

What do you think? Has a closed door changed your life?

“Never underestimate the power of dreams.”

Wilma Rudolph

Who ya’ rootin’ for?

03/19/2015 / Laura

I absolutely love college basketball.

I love going to games when I can, love watching them on television, and really love love the whole March Madness insanity.

What I love most is when an underdog….or more correctly, a team that hasn’t received the recognition it should…wins over the favorite. I love to see young athletes have their day in the sun and confound the so-called experts.

I know better than to tell you which teams I root for.

But there’s nothing better than going to your alma mater’s game…clapping during the fight song as you’ve done a million times…yelling when the lights go out and they introduce your guys…and cheering every time a basket is made. Hearing the bad play with such heart (love the drum section). Trying to catch the t-shirts from the cannon. Eating junk food and loving it.

And yes, I also love watching women’s basketball. Talk about heart. And skill. And pure ability. They often have to endure tiny crowds and no publicity.

But they work as hard or harder than the men, and they are very, very good.

This year, I’ll be yelling as always, watching games and pulling my hair. Unfortunately, my number one team did not make it this time. But I always find a group of kids I think deserve it. To me, that means being a true team, helping each other, and not giving up.

If you have never been a fan of college sports, you might check it out sometime. You won’t find this kind of spirit, courage, and tears in the pros. This is about fighting until your last breath. Believing that for one moment, you really can change your life forever.

I’m not trying to glorify athletes. No one was more uncoordinated than me in school…I was not fan of the “jocks”. But camaraderie…common goals…helping each other…that’s something I can support.

The International Mental Game Coaching Association (IMGCA) says we follow sports because they teach us about loyalty, perseverance, and honor. It helps us bond. We live vicariously through the athletes we watch. We can safely experience drama, suspension and resolution, without ever being in any danger.

And interestingly, IMGCA also says sports can trigger our reptilian brain…tribal instincts and the whole fight or flight thing.

I know my poor pets have run and hid more than once when I yelled at the television over a bad call.

If you are a boomer or beyond, you probably have some great memories about some of the all-time heroes of college ball. Like Oscar Robertson. Michael Jordan. Larry Byrd. Or Chamique Holdsclaw. Val Whiting, or Seimone Augustus.

It’s a time of year when the whole concept that “anything is possible” really holds water. Just ask anyone who watched North Carolina State beat Houston in the NCAA finals in 1983.

I also love football. Watching the Indy circuit. Baseball. Tennis. Soccer. Track and field.

Sometimes, David really does get the edge on Goliath. And it just feels good to watch.

What are your favorite sports memories?